Category: Mental Health

Gray Areas

There have often been times in my life when I’ve struggled with “gray areas” – areas in which there is some form of confusion, debate, or uncertainty. One of those areas has been with mental illness.

I grew up learning the Christian faith. I went to a Christian grade school, a Christian high school, and a Christian college. I went to church almost every week. And when I was quite young I trusted Jesus to be my Savior from sin. Little did I know how much I would need Him as the years went by.

I’d always been an anxious person, but in my teens it got out of control. Not only was I extremely anxious, I was obsessing about minuscule things. I also struggled with low energy and motivation, and I was often down about the instability of key relationships in my life. Finally, I was diagnosed with anxiety, OCD (obsessive-compulsive disorder), and depression.

But that was only the beginning of a long journey. It was difficult for me to understand how God would allow this into my life. Didn’t He love me? And if I were trusting in Him, shouldn’t I be able to overcome these difficulties? Being very familiar with Biblical teachings, I knew that I wasn’t supposed to be anxious. And I wasn’t supposed to be downcast. So what was wrong with me?!

I still don’t have all of the answers. I just know that God, in His wisdom, allowed these difficulties into my life. He’s helping me every day to rely on Him for strength and grace to trust Him and to focus on the blessings that He gives me. It’s definitely a process…baby steps! And while I may not have all of the answers for this gray area, I do know that my God is bigger than it and that He will enable me to obey Him moment by moment.

Have you ever struggled with this gray area? Or is there another gray area that you would like to share? Please feel free to leave a comment! ❤

What Does Depression Feel Like?

It’s not wanting to get out of bed in the morning – and sometimes I don’t.

It’s a cloudiness in my mind that just sucks the life out of my thoughts and emotions.

It’s wanting to isolate myself from other people.

It’s desiring to stay inside the house because it’s kind of my “safe place.”

It’s putting on a smile when I’m around others so they don’t know I’m not feeling well. How would I explain my struggle to them?

It’s feeling lonely – oh, so lonely – even though I’m the one who chose to be by myself. I sometimes feel like there are very few people who understand.

It’s fear, doubt, and a lack of confidence.

It’s feeling like I’m in a deep, dark pit – and like I have no way to climb out of it. Thank goodness the Lord is there to help!

It’s a complete lack of energy. I often want to crawl back in bed, even if I just finally got myself out of it.

It’s a total lack of motivation. Simple daily tasks are huge undertakings for me.

It’s not enjoying the things that you used to enjoy. I used to like so many different activities…but now I just can’t get myself to do them. I have been able to get back into reading and writing, and for this I am grateful.

It’s feeling different. Not normal. Like I don’t fit in.

It’s fighting – fighting every moment of every day to focus on the beautiful and the good, instead of focusing on my struggle.

 

Those are some of the ways that depression plays out in my life. Do YOU struggle with depression? If so, what does depression feel like for you?

From Despair to Hope

Today I was feeling low again. I trudged my way through work in the morning, and then tried to be happy that I had the rest of the day to accomplish some tasks and do something that I enjoy. But even that wasn’t helping me feel any better.

So what do you do when you can’t seem to get out of that “pit” of despair?

Well, what I tried to do was to get out of the house. I had already taken my dog for a walk, so I had gotten some fresh air. But this just wasn’t enough. I felt like I needed to jump in my car and go somewhere new.

So I drove to a Starbucks that I’ve never visited before, and I brought a new book that I purchased recently. I ordered an Iced Cinnamon Almond milk Macchiato and slid into a comfy leather chair. I opened the devotional book, “All Things New” by Cherie Hill, to today’s date…and was blessed to find that the topic aligned with how I was feeling. I love when God does that!

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The title for today’s devotional was “Defeated and Powerless” – and that’s how I felt. But after reading the text and looking up some of the Scripture verses, I began to feel a little better. These are some of the things that I wrote in the journal section that accompanies the text:

  • I am surrounded with God’s shield of love – He protects me from any situation or experience that He hasn’t ordained for me! Therefore I can know that everything that happens to me is for my good…and His glory (Psalm 5).
  • Paul said He came to the Corinthians in weakness – timid and trembling…(1 Cor. 2:3) I need to bring my weakness to God and He will turn it into something great.
  • His grace is all we need! His power works best in weakness (2 Cor. 12:8-10).

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I can’t say that I felt completely better after my little outing, but it did reset my focus some – and that always helps. I was encouraged by God through His Word that even though I felt weak and defeated, I can find strength and hope in His presence. ❤

What do YOU do when you’re feeling low? Is there something you’ve found that works to help you climb out of the “pit” of despair?

Featured Photo: Ricardo Gomez Angel

Other Photos: Crystal Knauss