Tag: infertility

A New Journey

It’s been quite a while since I’ve written.

It’s not that things haven’t been going on – on the contrary. I’m actually not quite sure why I haven’t sat down to write a post in so long. I think it just didn’t feel like the right time.

But I want to apologize for not keeping you up-to-date. I hope you can forgive me!

Again, I want to say thank you to all of those who have been supporting my husband, Roy, and me through our struggle with infertility. The thoughts, prayers, and kind words have been so encouraging! As I hope you know from my post on Facebook in February, the Lord enabled me to conceive through IVF (In Vitro Fertilization) this past year. Our baby boy is due August 15th of 2020!

Pregnancy has been interesting so far. It’s joyful, scary, amazing, and overwhelming! I’ve struggled with tiredness, an extreme lack of energy, nausea, lack of appetite, constipation, smells that make me sick, and frequent UTI’s, among other things. But it’s all a part of the journey – a beautiful new journey that God has prepared for us…and we are so excited and grateful!

My depression, anxiety, and OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder) have continued throughout my pregnancy, and I’m still struggling a lot with insomnia. It’s been tricky to try to handle these issues while remaining on as little medicine as possible for the baby’s sake – but the Lord has been faithful. He has provided me with a new psychiatrist who has experience working with pregnant women, as well as an OB who is extremely wise and kind. Along with support from my husband, family, and friends, I have been getting through. And I’ve been learning to lean on God all the more.

What has been going on in your lives? What has the Lord been teaching you recently? I’d love to hear all about it in the comments. And as always, thanks for reading! ❤

Photo by Boris Smokrovic on Unsplash

Surrender

Terrified
Is the way I feel right now
Can’t catch my breath
But I have to somehow
My heart is racing
Can’t slow the beat
My face is flushed
From so much heat
My head is throbbing
From all of the thoughts
That can’t be resolved
Though answers are sought

I’m terrifed. . .

BUT GOD.

I must surrender
All of the unknowns
He has our situation
Completely under control
All our waiting and hoping
Is not lost on God
The prayers and petitions
Have been received with a nod
Whatever the outcome
The Lord knows what’s best
And in the waiting
We have His peace and His rest

I wrote this today after finally receiving a callback from the nurse at our fertility office. I had an ultrasound and bloodwork done this morning, and was waiting with bated breath to find out the results. Before I received the call, we didn’t know if we would even be able to continue with the IVF process.

Thankfully, there is still hope…but there are so many unknowns. My body is not responding to the medicines I’m taking like they had planned. So we’re taking one day at a time, and waiting on God to see what happens. ❤

Photo by Priscilla Du Preez on Unsplash

Praising in the Valley

I thought I was doing okay.

I just celebrated my birthday with my family. I received some thoughtful gifts. My husband took a few days off to spend time with me.

But it hit today. What hit, you may ask? Depression did.

The force of it overwhelms me at random. It drags me down into its darkness. It pulls me deep into its pit. The depression is always there, but sometimes it hits so hard that it knocks me down and leaves me gasping for air.

Maybe it’s the quiet lull after the birthday celebration that caused it. Or maybe it has to do with my wacky cycle, or the fertility medicines I’m taking. Or it could be from the bad habits that I get myself stuck in. Or a combination of all three! I guess it doesn’t matter, though. It comes when it wants to and stays until it’s ready to move on.

I know that what will NOT help me is wallowing. On the other hand, what WILL help me is praising. Praising God for who He is. For all that He’s done. For His many blessings. It certainly doesn’t come naturally, especially when I feel so low. But I know that praise and gratitude are the answer.

Please, pray that I will praise in the midst of this valley. ❤

Photo by Eric Ward on Unsplash