The Voice of Truth

The past several weeks have been eventfully uneventful.

I struggle each day with trying to get out of bed. I go to my psychiatrist and fertility appointments. I take my meds. But I’m looking for a break-through, not the same-old, same-old.

I want to get better. I want to live a “normal” life. I want to wake up one morning and realize that I have been cured from depression and anxiety. That I actually WANT to get out of bed because I believe I have a life that’s worth living.

I’m so tired.

Photo by Zohre Nemati on Unsplash

Obviously, this is the voice of my depression.

But what does the voice of God say?

Don’t be afraid, for I am with you. Don’t be discouraged, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you. I will hold you up with my victorious right hand.

Isaiah 41:10

I MUST listen to and believe the voice of God over the voices of my depression and anxiety.

Even though it feels like I can’t make it through another day. Even though it seems like I have no purpose to wake up tomorrow. Even though I perceive that I am alone in this struggle…

I know the Bible says that God gives me new mercies each day (Lamentations 3:22-23). That He has a purpose and a plan prepared for me (Micah 6:8; Proverbs 3:5-6). And that He is always with me (Hebrews 13:5-6).

I MUST listen to the voice of truth.

. . .

there is a time and there is a place
where all my troubles will fade away
where my heart will be happy
where my hopes will come true
and all of it will happen because of You

. . .

I will be getting bloodwork done on Wednesday to see if I’m pregnant this cycle. I am hopeful, but also scared. I know that we haven’t been trying for a very long time…but the wait is still utterly grueling.

Please pray that I will listen to and believe God’s voice – the voice of truth – in the waiting. ❤


Photo by Ben White on Unsplash

God’s Purposes for Us

“The LORD will fulfill His purpose for me; Your steadfast love, O LORD, endures forever. Do not forsake the work of Your hands.”

– Psalm 138:8

I came across this passage the other day as I was reading through the book of Psalms. It used to be a favorite verse of mine, but I hadn’t read it in some time and had forgotten about it.

What I like about the verse is how it focuses on the truth that God has a purpose for me – and for each one of us – but it’s not our job to fulfill that purpose. It’s the LORD’s job.

This thought is so comforting to me.

Why? Because I’ve spent a good amount of time throughout my life fretting about discovering and fulfilling God’s purpose for me. Now, I definitely think we need to seek our Heavenly Father for guidance regarding this process, as well as use the wisdom He gives us to step out in faith. But I also think that sometimes we place more importance on our own contribution to this undertaking.

The above verse begins with, “The LORD will fulfill His purpose for me.” Whose purpose is it? God’s. And who is responsible for carrying out this purpose? Also God. So many times I’ve worried that I’m not accomplishing all that the Lord has planned for me. But what I should be concerned about is surrendering to God’s ways and responding to Him in obedience. 

The next part of the verse reads, “Your steadfast love, O LORD, endures forever.” God works in our lives according to His purpose because of how much He loves us! He cares about us enough to be involved in our day-to-day existence and to guide us along the path that He knows is best for us…and that will bring Him the most glory.

The verse ends with, “Do not forsake the work of Your hands.” God created us and sustains us. He formed us from the dust, and we are who we are and can do what we do only because of Him.

Shouldn’t it follow that we look to Him to fulfill His purpose for us?

As we walk with the Lord closely each day, I believe that He will show us the way to take…and give us the ability to fulfill his specific plans for us. ❤

P.S. How has God guided you in the past regarding His purpose(s) for you?


Photo by Kyle Broad on Unsplash

Friday Night Ramblings

Well, it’s Friday. Another week gone by. Another amalgamation of victories and triumphs mixed with shortcomings and defeats. Another accumulation of experiences to learn from.

The weeks seem to be flying by so quickly. I really don’t know what happened to the summer. It was here for a moment, and then it was gone. And now Autumn is almost upon us. I can’t help but ask myself: am I growing? am I progressing? am I improving? am I taking those baby steps that I so long to take?

And the answer? I really don’t know.

I need to take some time to think and to ponder and to look back on these past few months. I feel like everything is just mashed together – all the up’s and the down’s, all the good’s and the bad’s. It’s so easy to just keep steamrolling forward, and to leave the past in my wake without a second thought. But I don’t want to do that.

So what has happened over the past couple of months? For one, I’ve been struggling a lot with sleep. It has been extremely elusive. I lay in bed for hours at night, my body exhausted and attempting to rest but my mind still awake and somewhat cognizant. I really, REALLY wish I had an “off” switch for my brain. I do the best I can to prepare myself for slumber, but most of the time my efforts are in vain. And it doesn’t help that the medicine that used to help me drift off into dreamland is one that is not safe to take while attempting to get pregnant.

So about trying to get pregnant…it’s tough. The Hubby and I have been trying for about six months so far without being successful. We are now seeing a fertility specialist who will hopefully increase our chances of conceiving. But it’s a difficult process. Lots of blood-work and ultrasounds. Lots of terminology that baffles me. Lots of information to process. But we’re praying that if it is what God wants, He will enable us to have a child. He knows what is best – and we’re trying to rest in that knowledge as time progresses.

I don’t mean for this post to have a sullen undertone. God has been good. Roy and I were blessed to share some fun times this summer. We were able to visit the beach and boardwalk numerous times, to spend time with family and friends, to explore a new destination called Grounds for Sculpture, and to experience some really special moments. I need to be and want to be and am trying to be grateful. He has done so much for us!

I guess I just feel weighed down. Tired. Somewhat discouraged. The Hubby and I have several decisions that we need to make, and they are big ones. The future seems scary and overwhelming right now. But I know…I just KNOW that God has already walked the path that He is leading us on, and that we need only to trust and to follow. To seek His wisdom and to be obedient. It’s a difficult process, but it’s one that will mold us and shape us into the people that He wants us to be. And it will open doors for the types of ministries that He would have us to be involved in.

I really want to make an impact. To help people who are hurting. To use the gifts that God has given me to be a blessing. But I don’t quite know how to do that! I would ask you, if you have a moment, to pray for me. That God would ignite the passions that He has instilled in me and show me – very specifically – how to use them. Pray for my husband, also. He works so hard, and I know he is tired and disheartened. He also wants to make a difference, but is lacking the time and the means to do so.

Anyway, that’s probably enough rambling for one blog post. 🙂 Thank you so much for reading and for caring. I want to leave you (and myself) feeling encouraged, so I will end with this promise from God:

“Don’t be afraid, for I am with you. Don’t be discouraged, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you. I will hold you up with my victorious right hand.”
~ Isaiah 41:10

God’s got us! And He will never let us go. So take that next baby step with hope and confidence and joy. You may not know what you will encounter, but He does. And as the Creator and Sustainer of the universe, He has both the desire and the ability to work in such a way that will bring growth for us and glory for His name. ❤


Photo taken by Crystal Knauss at Grounds for Sculpture in Hamilton Township, NJ