An In-Between Space

I’m not sure what to write about. I just feel like I need to write.

I desire to be creative.

I desire to help people.

I desire to help people with the things that I have learned from the struggles I’ve endured.

I desire to creatively share the comfort and wisdom that I’ve received from walking through my own fiery trials. I want to help others who may be in a similar experience.

I desire to share how God has been with me in my fiery trials; how He has faithfully helped me in every circumstance.

But how do I do this?

I focus so much on the details and on trying to make everything “perfect” that I never actually DO anything to work towards my goals. I never start writing. I never start creating. I’m stuck in an in-between space; a space in which I allow the doubts and the fears and the obsessive thoughts to quench the ideas and passions that have welled up in my soul. Instead of taking that first step and allowing myself to enjoy the creative process, I linger in this in-between space. I let the fear win.

Help me, Father!

I know You have a plan for me. I know Your plan is good and that You know what is best for me. Help me to trust that You know what You’re doing, even when I proudly think my plan is better than Yours.

If You can hold the whole world in Your hands, then You can hold me in this in-between space – doubts, fears, obsessions, and all.

Thank You for always being with me.

Tired but Hopeful

The past week or so has been more than a little tiring.

Things started off well. I was blessed with some donated medicine from my fertility center, which had been prescribed for me in the past but we weren’t able to afford. It’s called Gonal-f and it’s used to help a woman develop a mature egg during her cycle. I was very grateful for this, but I wasn’t really prepared for how the medicine would affect me.

I learned to give myself the first injection of the Gonal-f Friday night, as my husband had to work and couldn’t help. I watched the instructional video numerous times and was finally able to administer the shot to myself successfully. I was proud of this. 🙂 Over the weekend and into the beginning of this week I have been able to give myself the injection around the same time each evening, as instructed. I’ve been excited to see if it will help.

After a day or two of the shots I started to feel really emotional and more depressed than I normally do. It seems that these can be side effects of the medicine…so I’ve been trying my best to stay upbeat and to express my emotions in healthy ways.

I think the medicine is also making me super tired. I haven’t felt like doing much of anything recently, and small tasks leave me feeling drained. It seems that the sleepiness can be a side effect of the medicine too – but all of the side effects will be well worth it if it helps me to conceive this cycle.

This fertility process has been quite the journey so far! My husband Roy and I have learned a lot of new terminology and information. We’ve made many visits to the fertility center (most of the time I go by myself, as Roy has to work, but he comes when he can and when he needs to). We’ve learned how to administer injections. I’ve received countless ultrasounds and blood testings. And we’ve had many highs and lows.

But we’re seeking God’s guidance and embarking on this journey together. Even though the process is stressful, it’s helping us to grow closer to each other. And we’re trying our best to remain hopeful for the future.

The rest we must leave in the Lord’s hands, trusting that He is good and that He knows what is best for us. ❤

Photo by Aaron Burden on Unsplash

10 Things that People with Depression Want You to Know

  1. Depression is not just “being sad.” Yes, you feel despair and discouragement often when you struggle with depression. But you also feel a lack of energy, low motivation, irritability, and a host of other things. Sadness just does not encompass all of the emotions that you struggle with when you are depressed.
  2. We can’t just “snap out of it.” We did not “choose” to be depressed, and we can’t just force ourselves to feel better again.
  3. There isn’t always a specific reason for why we’re feeling depressed. People often think that our depression is linked to a devastating event in our lives – although sometimes that can trigger it. But depression is not as simple as feeling low because of something bad that happens (whether big or little).
  4. We may try to hide how we’re feeling so as to appear “normal.” Sometimes we don’t feel like we “fit in,” or we feel like we’re “strange” because of our illness. Please encourage us to be open about our emotions.
  5. Things that may be easy for you can take a huge effort for us. Many times, just getting out of bed in the morning drains all of our energy. So things like making meals, taking care of our families, and navigating the work world can be overwhelming. Help us to feel good about little victories.
  6. We just need you to listen. Oftentimes friends and family members want to give advice that might help us feel better. We appreciate this, but what we really need is a listening ear. Just like any other disorder or illness, it’s difficult for someone who has never experienced the illness to be able to understand. And that’s okay! Just knowing that you are there to listen is enough.
  7. We tend to isolate ourselves without realizing it. Our homes may be our safe places. It can be easy to stay indoors during the day – especially if there’s bad weather – instead of getting outside for some fresh air. And when we make plans to get together but don’t keep them…it’s not because we don’t care about you. It’s because interacting with others takes a lot of our energy – and energy is not something we have a lot of!
  8. We can’t just “take a pill” to make depression go away. Some people with depression take medication to help with the symptoms of their illness – I am one of them. However, I don’t believe that medication fully cures depression. Many times, it assists with controlling some of the symptoms, but also causes new symptoms (like making you feel emotionless).
  9. Just because we have a good day (or week or month) doesn’t mean we’re cured. Depression is complicated, and it can come and go. So please don’t think we’ve got this thing beat if we have a period where we feel better.
  10. We’re doing our best to fight this monster. We haven’t given in to defeat. Just because we struggle doesn’t mean that we’re not doing our best to live full lives. And we appreciate all that you do to help us!

I hope that this list has been helpful, and I encourage you to leave a comment with any thoughts you might have! ❤

I got my inspiration for this post from this website.

Photo Credit: Maria Victoria Heredia Reyes