Tag: OCD

An In-Between Space

I’m not sure what to write about. I just feel like I need to write.

I desire to be creative.

I desire to help people.

I desire to help people with the things that I have learned from the struggles I’ve endured.

I desire to creatively share the comfort and wisdom that I’ve received from walking through my own fiery trials. I want to help others who may be in a similar experience.

I desire to share how God has been with me in my fiery trials; how He has faithfully helped me in every circumstance.

But how do I do this?

I focus so much on the details and on trying to make everything “perfect” that I never actually DO anything to work towards my goals. I never start writing. I never start creating. I’m stuck in an in-between space; a space in which I allow the doubts and the fears and the obsessive thoughts to quench the ideas and passions that have welled up in my soul. Instead of taking that first step and allowing myself to enjoy the creative process, I linger in this in-between space. I let the fear win.

Help me, Father!

I know You have a plan for me. I know Your plan is good and that You know what is best for me. Help me to trust that You know what You’re doing, even when I proudly think my plan is better than Yours.

If You can hold the whole world in Your hands, then You can hold me in this in-between space – doubts, fears, obsessions, and all.

Thank You for always being with me.

God Cheers my Soul

“Who rises up for me against the wicked? Who stands up for me against evildoers?

If the LORD had not been my help, my soul would soon have lived in the land of silence.

When I thought, “My foot slips,” your steadfast love, O LORD, held me up.

When the cares of my heart are many, your consolations cheer my soul…

The LORD has become my stronghold, and my God the rock of my refuge.”

Psalm 94:16-19, 22

Last night I wasn’t in a very good place in my mind, and God used the words of this Psalm to calm and encourage me. I hope that if you’re in a tough place right now, these words will cheer your soul also. 💕

A New Journey

It’s been quite a while since I’ve written.

It’s not that things haven’t been going on – on the contrary. I’m actually not quite sure why I haven’t sat down to write a post in so long. I think it just didn’t feel like the right time.

But I want to apologize for not keeping you up-to-date. I hope you can forgive me!

Again, I want to say thank you to all of those who have been supporting my husband, Roy, and me through our struggle with infertility. The thoughts, prayers, and kind words have been so encouraging! As I hope you know from my post on Facebook in February, the Lord enabled me to conceive through IVF (In Vitro Fertilization) this past year. Our baby boy is due August 15th of 2020!

Pregnancy has been interesting so far. It’s joyful, scary, amazing, and overwhelming! I’ve struggled with tiredness, an extreme lack of energy, nausea, lack of appetite, constipation, smells that make me sick, and frequent UTI’s, among other things. But it’s all a part of the journey – a beautiful new journey that God has prepared for us…and we are so excited and grateful!

My depression, anxiety, and OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder) have continued throughout my pregnancy, and I’m still struggling a lot with insomnia. It’s been tricky to try to handle these issues while remaining on as little medicine as possible for the baby’s sake – but the Lord has been faithful. He has provided me with a new psychiatrist who has experience working with pregnant women, as well as an OB who is extremely wise and kind. Along with support from my husband, family, and friends, I have been getting through. And I’ve been learning to lean on God all the more.

What has been going on in your lives? What has the Lord been teaching you recently? I’d love to hear all about it in the comments. And as always, thanks for reading! ❤

Photo by Boris Smokrovic on Unsplash