Tag: anxiety

A New Adventure

Last week I began what I’d like to think of as a new adventure.

If you have read some of my previous posts, you may remember that I wrote about a treatment called ECT, or Electro-convulsive Therapy, that I underwent. It was a long process spanning numerous months, and it was not pleasant. In total I received forty treatments. The treatments did help with my depression, but they also affected my short and long term memory. Because of this I had to stop the treatments.

Well, it’s been a while since I finished ECT, and my depression is still very much lingering. So I decided to try a new treatment called Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation, or TMS. My psychiatrist recommended this for me as it has very few side effects (if any), and combined with his instruction in mindfulness, it could possibly help with my memory issues. So after praying about it and seeking advice, I decided to move forward.

I started the treatments last Friday, and I have a treatment each weekday, so I’ve already had five treatments. My psychiatrist said I should start seeing results around the tenth treatment – so I’m looking forward to that.

Just wanted to share this new journey that I am undertaking, and to ask for prayer. I truly appreciate everyone’s love and encouragement. ❤

 

Photo by: Crystal Knauss

Broken but Beautiful

It’s easy to focus on the negative traits that we possess – at least it is for me. I’m so good at finding my flaws, my imperfections…and it’s easy for me to feel like I have nothing to offer God.

But that isn’t the case.

We normally don’t think of brokenness as being beautiful. It’s ingrained in our culture to seek out the best, most excellent, most desirable things. But the truth of the matter is this: God uses broken people (Psalm 51:17). And for this I am very grateful.

Why am I grateful? Because I am a broken person.

I struggle with depression, anxiety, and OCD on a daily basis – but God can use these struggles to help me reach out to others going through the same things.

I have many imperfections in my character that I am continually fighting against – but God somehow sees me whole in Jesus Christ.

I war against temptations every day, and often give in to sin – but God is faithful to forgive me and restore me as I cry out to Him for cleansing.

I frequently doubt God and choose not to trust Him – but God is right there waiting for me when I turn from my self-reliance and give myself to Him fully.

I many times refuse to obey God and to take that step of faith – but God, in His goodness, gives me gentle nudges and holds my hand to help me move forward.

The common thread in these statements is “but God.” It’s because of God that we are who we are and that we can do what we do. He is in the business of taking broken people like you and me and making us beautiful! Praise Him!

So what is your “but God”? What are the areas of your life where you struggle the most, but where God uses you the most? ❤

 

Photo by: Crystal Knauss

A Good Day

Today has been a fairly good day, and for that I am extremely grateful.

During the past month or so since I last posted, I’ve been having a very rough time staying positive. My depression has been so dark and suffocating that I’ve wanted to give up on numerous occasions. Also, my OCD has come back with a vengeance. My mind has been bombarded with thoughts that I don’t want, but that I tend to latch onto…and extreme anxiety rears its ugly head.

But I’ve still been fighting.

Fighting to stay out of my bed, which is my normal escape. Fighting to do everyday tasks that I have no energy or motivation for. Fighting to let the distressing thoughts pass without assigning them value.

And what’s more important, God has been fighting for me. I know He’s there, helping me, even thought it’s often difficult to see.

So what is it exactly that enabled me to have a better day today? Well, I think there are a number of factors involved. I saw my psychiatrist recently and he increased the dosage of one of my medications along with adding a new med. I’m hoping that the meds are starting to kick in and help me feel better. Also, I didn’t sleep as much during the day today as I normally do. This kept me from beating myself up for wasting the day. I also got out of the house several times, which helped me feel less lonely and isolated.

Whatever the case may be, I’m grateful to God for a day when I actually smiled and laughed. It’s been a long time coming.

The plan is to faithfully take my meds, to possibly search for a work-from-home job that I can handle, to make a daily schedule for myself that will hopefully keep me out of bed, to find a new therapist with whom I can discuss my struggles, and to look into getting TMS – Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation, which is a type of treatment that can help with severe depression.

Continued thoughts and prayers are much appreciated! And please let me know if there is anything you’d like me to pray for. ❤

Photo by: Samantha Lynch