Tag: Christianity

Gray Areas

There have often been times in my life when I’ve struggled with “gray areas” – areas in which there is some form of confusion, debate, or uncertainty. One of those areas has been with mental illness.

I grew up learning the Christian faith. I went to a Christian grade school, a Christian high school, and a Christian college. I went to church almost every week. And when I was quite young I trusted Jesus to be my Savior from sin. Little did I know how much I would need Him as the years went by.

I’d always been an anxious person, but in my teens it got out of control. Not only was I extremely anxious, I was obsessing about minuscule things. I also struggled with low energy and motivation, and I was often down about the instability of key relationships in my life. Finally, I was diagnosed with anxiety, OCD (obsessive-compulsive disorder), and depression.

But that was only the beginning of a long journey. It was difficult for me to understand how God would allow this into my life. Didn’t He love me? And if I were trusting in Him, shouldn’t I be able to overcome these difficulties? Being very familiar with Biblical teachings, I knew that I wasn’t supposed to be anxious. And I wasn’t supposed to be downcast. So what was wrong with me?!

I still don’t have all of the answers. I just know that God, in His wisdom, allowed these difficulties into my life. He’s helping me every day to rely on Him for strength and grace to trust Him and to focus on the blessings that He gives me. It’s definitely a process…baby steps! And while I may not have all of the answers for this gray area, I do know that my God is bigger than it and that He will enable me to obey Him moment by moment.

Have you ever struggled with this gray area? Or is there another gray area that you would like to share? Please feel free to leave a comment! ❤

What Does Depression Feel Like?

It’s not wanting to get out of bed in the morning – and sometimes I don’t.

It’s a cloudiness in my mind that just sucks the life out of my thoughts and emotions.

It’s wanting to isolate myself from other people.

It’s desiring to stay inside the house because it’s kind of my “safe place.”

It’s putting on a smile when I’m around others so they don’t know I’m not feeling well. How would I explain my struggle to them?

It’s feeling lonely – oh, so lonely – even though I’m the one who chose to be by myself. I sometimes feel like there are very few people who understand.

It’s fear, doubt, and a lack of confidence.

It’s feeling like I’m in a deep, dark pit – and like I have no way to climb out of it. Thank goodness the Lord is there to help!

It’s a complete lack of energy. I often want to crawl back in bed, even if I just finally got myself out of it.

It’s a total lack of motivation. Simple daily tasks are huge undertakings for me.

It’s not enjoying the things that you used to enjoy. I used to like so many different activities…but now I just can’t get myself to do them. I have been able to get back into reading and writing, and for this I am grateful.

It’s feeling different. Not normal. Like I don’t fit in.

It’s fighting – fighting every moment of every day to focus on the beautiful and the good, instead of focusing on my struggle.

 

Those are some of the ways that depression plays out in my life. Do YOU struggle with depression? If so, what does depression feel like for you?

Giving Grace

“I did it again!” I cried, as my mind started to spin in all directions. I had just indulged in that bad habit I was struggling with. Instead of talking to God and receiving His forgiveness, I fell into a pit of despair.

I admit, I struggle with believing that God has given me grace. When I fall short for the umpteenth time during the day, I feel like I should be punished. I feel like something bad will happen to me. And I feel like I just don’t deserve the love that God offers. Maybe you have felt the same way.

But what about giving grace? What about sharing that grace – which we can so easily receive from the Father – with others who hurt us in some way?

I struggle with this, as well. And sometimes, it’s not even when someone does something horrible to me (which is extremely difficult). Sometimes it can just be dealing with the imperfections of everyday life.

For example…have you ever gotten upset when someone cuts you off on the road? I have. What about when they pass you in a no-pass zone, or drive 25 MPH in a 45…or 45 in a 25, for that matter? What about when they ride your bumper so close that you’re afraid to make any sudden stops or turns? Yep. Bothers me too. And this is one area where God is showing me that I need to give grace.

Is it right? Do they deserve the grace? No. But the thing is, grace isn’t about getting what we deserve. If we got what we deserve…we’d all be separated from God. But He gives us grace! And we need to be willing to share that grace with those around us.

Another area where I struggle to give grace is when I’m on the phone. You know what calls I’m talking about, don’t you? The calls that you have to make about a bill that is incorrect, or to your insurance company, or something of that nature. You make the call, wait on hold for way too long, and then are connected to a representative who is not able to assist you with your problem? Yeah…I struggle with those calls.

But the representatives I’m talking about are people, too. They make mistakes like all of us do. So what would it take to show a little grace? It would probably help them a lot…and it might even help us to feel better about the frustrating situation.

So the next time you are struggling with impatience…the next time you are annoyed or offended by someone…and the next time time things don’t work out quite the way you want – remember, God has given us grace. And we need to be willing to give that grace to others! ❤