An In-Between Space

I’m not sure what to write about. I just feel like I need to write.

I desire to be creative.

I desire to help people.

I desire to help people with the things that I have learned from the struggles I’ve endured.

I desire to creatively share the comfort and wisdom that I’ve received from walking through my own fiery trials. I want to help others who may be in a similar experience.

I desire to share how God has been with me in my fiery trials; how He has faithfully helped me in every circumstance.

But how do I do this?

I focus so much on the details and on trying to make everything “perfect” that I never actually DO anything to work towards my goals. I never start writing. I never start creating. I’m stuck in an in-between space; a space in which I allow the doubts and the fears and the obsessive thoughts to quench the ideas and passions that have welled up in my soul. Instead of taking that first step and allowing myself to enjoy the creative process, I linger in this in-between space. I let the fear win.

Help me, Father!

I know You have a plan for me. I know Your plan is good and that You know what is best for me. Help me to trust that You know what You’re doing, even when I proudly think my plan is better than Yours.

If You can hold the whole world in Your hands, then You can hold me in this in-between space – doubts, fears, obsessions, and all.

Thank You for always being with me.

Only a Dream

Okay. So it’s the wee hours of the morning, and I can’t sleep. Yesterday is now technically today–and it’s waaaaaay too early to be ushering in a new day.

I’m sitting here at my computer, nibbling on miniature Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups, and wondering what my deal is.

It could be my mind, which did seem to be wandering a lot as I was laying in bed. It could be the tea that I sipped on before settling in; but it was decaf! And please, no, don’t let it be the tea! It was so warm and yummy, and I don’t want to give that nighttime ritual up. It could be the increase in a medication that I’m taking, but it’s been several weeks now since the change in dosage, and it shouldn’t still be affecting me.

So again, I ask myself: What’s my deal?

The truth is that I don’t know, and that I haven’t known for the past week or so. Yes, this has been going on for about a week now. It’s quite exasperating. I hate laying in bed, feeling the warm covers around me and the comfy pillow under my head, and wanting SO BADLY to fall asleep…but not being able to.

I am truly my own worst enemy when it comes to insomnia, as well. Because the harder I try to fall asleep, the less likely it is for me to actually reach that elusive state of dreamland.

But wait! Maybe I’m really sleeping right now, and my writing this post is only a dream…

Photo Credit: Juskteez Vu