Tag: OCD

A New Journey

It’s been quite a while since I’ve written.

It’s not that things haven’t been going on – on the contrary. I’m actually not quite sure why I haven’t sat down to write a post in so long. I think it just didn’t feel like the right time.

But I want to apologize for not keeping you up-to-date. I hope you can forgive me!

Again, I want to say thank you to all of those who have been supporting my husband, Roy, and me through our struggle with infertility. The thoughts, prayers, and kind words have been so encouraging! As I hope you know from my post on Facebook in February, the Lord enabled me to conceive through IVF (In Vitro Fertilization) this past year. Our baby boy is due August 15th of 2020!

Pregnancy has been interesting so far. It’s joyful, scary, amazing, and overwhelming! I’ve struggled with tiredness, an extreme lack of energy, nausea, lack of appetite, constipation, smells that make me sick, and frequent UTI’s, among other things. But it’s all a part of the journey – a beautiful new journey that God has prepared for us…and we are so excited and grateful!

My depression, anxiety, and OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder) have continued throughout my pregnancy, and I’m still struggling a lot with insomnia. It’s been tricky to try to handle these issues while remaining on as little medicine as possible for the baby’s sake – but the Lord has been faithful. He has provided me with a new psychiatrist who has experience working with pregnant women, as well as an OB who is extremely wise and kind. Along with support from my husband, family, and friends, I have been getting through. And I’ve been learning to lean on God all the more.

What has been going on in your lives? What has the Lord been teaching you recently? I’d love to hear all about it in the comments. And as always, thanks for reading! ❤

Photo by Boris Smokrovic on Unsplash

What I’ve Learned (So Far) About Mental Illness

Struggling with mental health issues has been almost a lifelong journey for me. Anxiety, OCD (Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder), and depression developed in my early teen years and have shape-shifted in my life for the past two decades.

But dealing with mental illness doesn’t mean that you can’t fight it and determine how to thrive. It doesn’t mean that you can’t learn and grow. It doesn’t mean that you can’t overcome.

To that end, I’d like to share a few things that I’ve learned during my mental health journey that will hopefully help others who are fighting a similar battle.

  • Mental illness is real. Others may say that there is no such thing as mental illness, or that you’re making things up. They may say that you’re going through a phase, or that you need to slap yourself out of the funk you’re in. As a Christian, I’ve even been told that my mental illness could be the result of a demon living inside of me. This made me feel horrible and like it was my own fault. But I’ve come to believe that mental illness is real – and thankfully, it can be treated.
  • Seeking help is a good thing. If you’re struggling with anxiety or depression or something similar and it has become overwhelming, PLEASE get help. You can start by talking to someone you trust: someone you care about and someone who cares about you. If that doesn’t help, you might want to seek professional help. It can be difficult to find a good doctor that you can afford, but don’t give up. Keep trying until you get the help you need. If you are in a crisis or are having suicidal thoughts, you can contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 24 hours a day at 1-800-273-8255. It’s free and confidential, and someone will be able to talk with you.
  • Mental illness can morph. As I mentioned earlier, my anxiety, depression, and OCD have changed over the years. I’ve found that at any given time, one of the three is foremost in my struggle. For example, my OCD plagued me for a long time, but as I worked to overcome it and finally found some relief, my depression came to the forefront. This is probably different for different people. I guess I just want to emphasize that mental illness can change over time. It is a complicated beast and it demands a multi-faceted plan of attack.
  • It’s okay to not feel okay. Being honest about how you’re feeling is a big step. I used to be so worried about what other people would think that I held my thoughts and emotions inside. But it’s okay to feel how you’re feeling. And it’s important to find ways to share what you’re experiencing – ways that you find comfortable. You can talk to a trusted friend, write a poem, draw, journal, or any other activity that will help you release some stress. As you share, there’s also the possibility that you can help others who are in a similar situation.
  • Practice self-care. When you’re struggling with mental illness, it’s easy to forget to take care of yourself. You lack energy and motivation, and it may even feel selfish to tend to your own needs. But it’s not selfish to practice self-care. Be gentle with yourself. Give yourself some grace. And take the time to care for your physical needs, such as getting a good night’s sleep, eating healthy meals, exercising, and spending time outdoors in the sun. As I’ve struggled with mental illness, I’ve come to see learning to practice self-care can be a process. It probably won’t happen overnight. But you can take one day at a time, and celebrate each baby step that you take forward. This will encourage you to keep going!
  • Rely on God. For me, one of the main reasons I’ve been able to make it this far is because of my relationship with God. He’s there when you have no one else to talk to. He understand what you’re going through. He promises to give strength and help when you ask Him. He will never let you down. Draw close to God through His Word, prayer, and relationships with others who love the Lord, too. You’ll find that your burdens start feeling a little lighter, and that you begin to have hope. This will give you the strength to keep going – and to not give up.

I hope that these points have been helpful for you. This is obviously not an exhaustive list – it’s merely a list of a few things I’ve learned during my struggle with mental illness. If you have any other ideas that you would like to add, please feel free to leave them in the comments below! And as always, thank you for reading. ❤

Finding and Keeping Faith in the Depths of Mental Illness (Guest Post)

Paul writes in 2 Corinthians 12:7 that he has a “thorn in his flesh.” The thorn is never identified; however, Paul looks to the Lord to give him strength and comfort to endure and overcome anything the thorn throws at him. Likewise, for those of us who suffer from mental illness, our emotional and mental conflicts serve as a thorn in our side – and we need to look to Jesus Christ as a way to fight this pain and to keep mental illness from overtaking our lives.

Growing up, I always felt out of place; I often felt that I was on the outside looking in. I also didn’t feel the most emotionally connected to some of my family members, making me feel often unloved and unwanted. I suffered through bullying for most of middle school and high school, triggering insecurities with which I still struggle to this day. I also developed severe self-loathing and suicidal thoughts. I wasn’t allowed to participate in therapy, and many of my issues were thrown under the rug when I was a teenager. I didn’t realize until I was nearly 20 years old – and four years as a Christian at that point – that I struggled with mental illness. I was officially diagnosed with major depressive disorder. I also showed symptoms for anxiety (mainly general and social) and obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD).

Having mental illness is…rough, to say the least. You often feel like you’re drowning without being submerged in water. You feel suffocated, as if the air has been sucked out of you. And you feel trapped in darkness, with barely any sign of light filtering through the denseness. Mental illness makes you believe you’re alone and that you’re not able to trust anyone; heck, you don’t even feel that you could be loved due to the ugliness of your mind. You’re your own best friend and worst enemy all at once. Mental illness makes you sometimes think you’re not even ill, when in fact, you are – and in dire need of help. And most (if not all) the time, you crave answers to the questions behind your sickness, as well as if there’s any hope of living a seemingly normal existence.

While I was finally given answers to why I had such negative thoughts, panic attacks, and moments of severe sadness and hopelessness, I felt that I received more internal questions. How was I able to get better? Would I be looked down upon by others – specifically other believers – for wanting treatment for my mental illness? Would I deal with more isolation than when I pretended to be fine? And how does my faith fit into mental illness?

As I’ve spent the past four years receiving treatment (from therapy to medication), I’ve received the answers to my questions. First of all, I was able to get better. I cut away many negative friendships, relationships, and things that contributed to the worsening of my mental disorders. Therapy has helped me to uncover my triggers and trauma to determine how my past has influenced my present, and how I was able to improve my future in developing positive coping skills. I’m still a work in progress, my anxiety getting the best of me often. However, I’ve grown in more self-love and in being more able to admit my wrongs.

Secondly, I’ve learned that some people can honestly be ignorant and cruel. There will always be those who will want to condemn you and to bring you down to their level of self-loathing and strife. In regards to believers who don’t believe in mental illness, I truly worry for them and for others. I worry for people who continue to worsen emotionally and mentally because their churches or congregations make them feel unvalued amidst their struggles, unloved by God for desiring treatment, and unwanted in that their difficulties have not been validated. I worry for those churches and congregations who may be too scared or too naive to be educated on the subject of mental illness, as they won’t be able to truly help their loved ones – or maybe even themselves – if they have mental illness and are in denial. The Bible does in fact encourage counseling, and has stated this repeatedly in the following verses: Proverbs 13:10, Proverbs 20:5, Proverbs 11:14, Hebrews 10:24-25, 1 Thessalonians 5:11, and others. I truly pray for all parties that there will be answers, closure, and healing.

Third, in sharing my story, I have been able to be more of an encouragement to others who face mental health issues. I’ve supported and validated loved ones’ feelings, along with their decisions to receive counseling and/or medication. Also, in being more open about my problems, I’ve actually gained more true friends. I’m especially blessed to have a wonderful relationship with someone who tries to learn more about mental health and who tries to take care of me and love on me when I struggle to love or to care for myself.

Finally, my faith and my mental illness work together in that they’re both a part of me – and I know that in the end my faith will win out. Jesus gives us the compassion and empathy that we’ll never fully find in another human being, let alone in ourselves. He constantly helps us to overcome our trials and to embrace our triumphs. He encourages us to be better, and to grow.

My hope in writing this is to encourage action in several ways: to become more educated in mental health needs and treatments; to acknowledge and to accept any mental illness seen within yourself and/or others; to receive help for mental illness; and to provide love, support, and advocacy for your loved ones.

Faith is able to be found and kept in the depths of mental illness. ❤

Written by: Neena Maria Biello

Neena is a Psych major whose goal is to become a therapist. She writes, draws, and reads in her spare time, and desires to grow in her faith and character every day. You can learn more about Neena and read some of her writing by clicking here.

 

Photo by Andrii Podilnyk on Unsplash