Tag: OCD

Pitter Patter

As the rain pitter-patters on our rooftop, I sit inside our home trying to to work up the energy and motivation to take on an activity or task. I am just so tired today.

I did have my session with my psychiatrist this morning for TMS (Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation) and meditation – which would normally help me – but my psychiatrist told me that my OCD (Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder) is really affecting my ability to practice the breathing and mindfulness that he prescribes. He gave me a worksheet on which I’m supposed to log my breathing practices and any difficulties that I experience. And if I can’t master this meditation aspect, he might recommend another medication to help get my OCD under control.

I really don’t want to take more medicine. I’m taking enough of it. So I must do my best to practice the breathing and mindfulness throughout the day.

Anyways, just a little update. 🙂 And I wanted to share a poem that I wrote in 2015 – I found it recently in one of my journals, and it seemed to go well with my post today.

Pitter patter, rain spatters

Down the rooftop of our home.

A dark night, and out of sight

Is the sun that once did roam.

I feel my heart stop and start,

Pondering the worries that I face.

I can’t let go – release control,

Because I need things done my way;

But there’s a God whose staff and rod

Are there to guide me when I pray.

I give it up, lift up my cup

And let the Lord pour in His plan –

He knows what’s best, and I can rest

Fully surrounded in His hand. ❤

 

Photo by reza shayestehpour on Unsplash

A New Adventure

Last week I began what I’d like to think of as a new adventure.

If you have read some of my previous posts, you may remember that I wrote about a treatment called ECT, or Electro-convulsive Therapy, that I underwent. It was a long process spanning numerous months, and it was not pleasant. In total I received forty treatments. The treatments did help with my depression, but they also affected my short and long term memory. Because of this I had to stop the treatments.

Well, it’s been a while since I finished ECT, and my depression is still very much lingering. So I decided to try a new treatment called Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation, or TMS. My psychiatrist recommended this for me as it has very few side effects (if any), and combined with his instruction in mindfulness, it could possibly help with my memory issues. So after praying about it and seeking advice, I decided to move forward.

I started the treatments last Friday, and I have a treatment each weekday, so I’ve already had five treatments. My psychiatrist said I should start seeing results around the tenth treatment – so I’m looking forward to that.

Just wanted to share this new journey that I am undertaking, and to ask for prayer. I truly appreciate everyone’s love and encouragement. ❤

 

Photo by: Crystal Knauss

Broken but Beautiful

It’s easy to focus on the negative traits that we possess – at least it is for me. I’m so good at finding my flaws, my imperfections…and it’s easy for me to feel like I have nothing to offer God.

But that isn’t the case.

We normally don’t think of brokenness as being beautiful. It’s ingrained in our culture to seek out the best, most excellent, most desirable things. But the truth of the matter is this: God uses broken people (Psalm 51:17). And for this I am very grateful.

Why am I grateful? Because I am a broken person.

I struggle with depression, anxiety, and OCD on a daily basis – but God can use these struggles to help me reach out to others going through the same things.

I have many imperfections in my character that I am continually fighting against – but God somehow sees me whole in Jesus Christ.

I war against temptations every day, and often give in to sin – but God is faithful to forgive me and restore me as I cry out to Him for cleansing.

I frequently doubt God and choose not to trust Him – but God is right there waiting for me when I turn from my self-reliance and give myself to Him fully.

I many times refuse to obey God and to take that step of faith – but God, in His goodness, gives me gentle nudges and holds my hand to help me move forward.

The common thread in these statements is “but God.” It’s because of God that we are who we are and that we can do what we do. He is in the business of taking broken people like you and me and making us beautiful! Praise Him!

So what is your “but God”? What are the areas of your life where you struggle the most, but where God uses you the most? ❤

 

Photo by: Crystal Knauss