Tag: OCD

A Good Day

Today has been a fairly good day, and for that I am extremely grateful.

During the past month or so since I last posted, I’ve been having a very rough time staying positive. My depression has been so dark and suffocating that I’ve wanted to give up on numerous occasions. Also, my OCD has come back with a vengeance. My mind has been bombarded with thoughts that I don’t want, but that I tend to latch onto…and extreme anxiety rears its ugly head.

But I’ve still been fighting.

Fighting to stay out of my bed, which is my normal escape. Fighting to do everyday tasks that I have no energy or motivation for. Fighting to let the distressing thoughts pass without assigning them value.

And what’s more important, God has been fighting for me. I know He’s there, helping me, even thought it’s often difficult to see.

So what is it exactly that enabled me to have a better day today? Well, I think there are a number of factors involved. I saw my psychiatrist recently and he increased the dosage of one of my medications along with adding a new med. I’m hoping that the meds are starting to kick in and help me feel better. Also, I didn’t sleep as much during the day today as I normally do. This kept me from beating myself up for wasting the day. I also got out of the house several times, which helped me feel less lonely and isolated.

Whatever the case may be, I’m grateful to God for a day when I actually smiled and laughed. It’s been a long time coming.

The plan is to faithfully take my meds, to possibly search for a work-from-home job that I can handle, to make a daily schedule for myself that will hopefully keep me out of bed, to find a new therapist with whom I can discuss my struggles, and to look into getting TMS – Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation, which is a type of treatment that can help with severe depression.

Continued thoughts and prayers are much appreciated! And please let me know if there is anything you’d like me to pray for. ❤

Photo by: Samantha Lynch

On the Upswing

The past several days have been a little better for me. I’m still struggling with the depression and anxiety, but it hasn’t felt as oppressive. Thank you for all of the thoughts and prayers!

The weekend was a good opportunity to spend time with my Hubby, Roy. We did things around the house, ran errands, and just enjoyed each other’s company. We were also able to share some time with Roy’s parents, which was very nice. Then last night we had a delicious glass of wine with our leftovers. 🙂

This morning I actually stayed awake after helping the Hubby get off to work, instead of just crawling back into bed. It was difficult, but God helped me to get a shopping list together and run out to the grocery store before the day got too hot.

It may not seem like much improvement, but for me it is! So thank you again for the thoughts and prayers – I really appreciate them. Hopefully this upward trend will continue. ❤

Why I Can Be Grateful for My Depression

I wrote yesterday about how much I hate my depression – and I DO hate it. But I realized today that because God has allowed this illness into my life, there must be some things about it for which I can be grateful.

Experiencing depression (along with anxiety and OCD) has allowed me to better understand other people who are struggling with the same illness(es). I’ve received messages from people who stumble across my blog and are so grateful, because it helped them feel like they were not so alone in their struggles. For this I am thankful to God! I’ve also become more empathetic towards people that I meet in day-to-day life. Everyone struggles with something, and I’ve found that because of my fight with depression, I am more sensitive to what others may be going through.

I’m also grateful for how it has taught me to rely on God more fully. When everything is going well in my life, I have less cause to reach out to the Lord for help. But when I am in a moment-by-moment battle, it forces me to cry out to God for strength, wisdom, and peace. So although I hate my depression and all that it entails, I can also be thankful – because my Father is teaching me that I can’t fight this battle in my own strength. I need His help!

Another reason why I can be grateful for my depression is that it’s taught me to think more positively. When you have depression, you often feel like you’re stuck in a deep, dark pit. You don’t exactly feel like being positive! But by keeping my eyes open each day for things to be grateful for, God has enabled me to change my perspective and to focus on the good things instead of the bad.

Depression has helped me to understand more fully the value of life – of each day, each moment. There have been times when I’ve wanted to end it all…when I didn’t want to go on anymore. Thank God He protected me! And even though I still struggle sometimes to see the purpose in another day with depression, I think that the Lord is slowly teaching me that He has a plan for me – and that each day is a gift.

Lastly, struggling with depression has shown me that I have many people in my life who love me, support me, and are willing to help me in any way that they can. From my husband, to my family, to my friends, to my neighbors, to my blogging community – I have a lot of people on my side. And that means…that I am not alone.

So although there are many reasons why I hate my depression, there are also reasons why I can be grateful for it. And I pray that God will teach me new reasons every day. ❤

Photo Credit: Eli DeFaria