Tag: OCD

Gray Areas

There have often been times in my life when I’ve struggled with “gray areas” – areas in which there is some form of confusion, debate, or uncertainty. One of those areas has been with mental illness.

I grew up learning the Christian faith. I went to a Christian grade school, a Christian high school, and a Christian college. I went to church almost every week. And when I was quite young I trusted Jesus to be my Savior from sin. Little did I know how much I would need Him as the years went by.

I’d always been an anxious person, but in my teens it got out of control. Not only was I extremely anxious, I was obsessing about minuscule things. I also struggled with low energy and motivation, and I was often down about the instability of key relationships in my life. Finally, I was diagnosed with anxiety, OCD (obsessive-compulsive disorder), and depression.

But that was only the beginning of a long journey. It was difficult for me to understand how God would allow this into my life. Didn’t He love me? And if I were trusting in Him, shouldn’t I be able to overcome these difficulties? Being very familiar with Biblical teachings, I knew that I wasn’t supposed to be anxious. And I wasn’t supposed to be downcast. So what was wrong with me?!

I still don’t have all of the answers. I just know that God, in His wisdom, allowed these difficulties into my life. He’s helping me every day to rely on Him for strength and grace to trust Him and to focus on the blessings that He gives me. It’s definitely a process…baby steps! And while I may not have all of the answers for this gray area, I do know that my God is bigger than it and that He will enable me to obey Him moment by moment.

Have you ever struggled with this gray area? Or is there another gray area that you would like to share? Please feel free to leave a comment! ❤

When You Feel Like an Outsider

Have you ever felt like an outlier (outsider)? Like someone who is just different from everyone else, who is far away and separated from other  “normal” people?

I feel that way sometimes. When I have weird thoughts in my head…when I have emotions that don’t make sense (or no emotions at all when I should have them)…and when I just can’t seem to say the *right* thing in conversations – for these reasons, and others, I sometimes feel like I am an outlier.

But AM I an outlier? I have to believe that I am not. I know that I have many people who love me and accept me just the way that I am…and for this I am grateful.

So then WHY do I feel this way at times?

I think it has to do with the conversations that I have with myself in my mind. For example, I tell myself that I am not important because no one “liked” what I posted on social media. I tell myself that a certain person is mad at me, because I interpret (wrongly) what they are saying to me or how they are treating me. Or I tell myself that I am strange and will never fit in, because I compare the way I look, talk, and act to others around me.

I know that these are not good thought patterns. I don’t need to worry about what other people think of me. I don’t need to over-analyze their words and actions. And I don’t need to compare myself with others.

How do I know this? The Bible says in Philippians 4:8 (the VOICE) –

Finally, brothers and sisters, fill your minds with beauty and truth. Meditate on whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is good, whatever is virtuous and praiseworthy.

The thoughts that I previously mentioned certainly do not fit the criteria in this passage (beautiful, true, honorable, right, pure, lovely, good, virtuous, and praiseworthy)!

So I ask for prayer…that I will fill my mind with beauty and truth, so that I don’t continue to feel like an outlier. And if you struggle with this as well, please leave me a comment so I can pray for you, also! ❤

I created this post based today’s Daily Prompt from WordPress: Outlier.

Photo Credit: Agnieszka P

A Day in the Life

I felt a little down today. It started off with my sleeping through two alarms and not having enough time to make lunch for my Hubby to take to work with him. But he was gracious about it, and I did have enough time to jump in the shower and get ready to begin my work day.

Yes, I’m working now! 🙂 It’s only a few hours a day, but it’s still something. I grade student essays from my computer at home and give them a score based on certain criteria. It makes me think a lot and sometimes gives me a headache, but I’m grateful for the opportunity. I really struggle with working because of my depression, anxiety, and OCD…(with this job I’m having a difficult time with my perfectionism), but I’m trying my best. You can be praying, though, because the job only lasts a month or two…and then I’ll need a new one. Thank you!

The day got a little better after work: I took our dog, Daisy, for a nice walk…it was beautiful outside! I was also able to sit a talk for a few minutes with one of our neighbors. It’s amazing how much a little fresh air can help.

I did some laundry, washed some dishes, and job-searched until my Hubby got home from work. And now it’s time to make dinner and probably watch some TV. Not an overly exciting day, but at least I’m feeling a little better than I was this morning. I’m going to try to get to bed at a decent time so I can start fresh tomorrow morning.

How was YOUR day? Was it good, bad, or somewhere in between? I’d like to hear, so feel free to share in the comments!

Photo Credit: Rawpixel