Do you ever get the feeling that you are all alone? Do you ever question whether or not God is with you, even though you know that He is? Do you ever think about the future and instead of feeling optimistic, feel something akin to apathy?
That’s how I feel right now. I feel very “blah.”
I woke up this morning extremely tired. I worked from home for a few hours, drank lots of coffee, ate lunch, and was still tired. I tried my best to get some chores done this afternoon. I went to the grocery store, cleaned up a bit, and paid bills. I even took the dog for a walk. But I never seemed to get that jolt of energy I was seeking.
The Hubby came home, we took some pics outside of the pretty trees and flowers, and I ate dinner. And now I’m writing…with the hope that I can regain my creativity and optimism.
It’s a struggle. Each day is a struggle. But I have so much to be grateful for…I KNOW that I do! I haven’t been doing very well with keeping my gratitude list, so maybe that’s part of the reason why I’m feeling this way. I need to maintain a thankful heart.
So let me think of some things I have to be grateful for: the smell of the air after a rain shower. A nice time with family for Easter. That our handbell choir played well at church. Hot running water to take a shower. Air conditioning to keep us cool in the house. A good walk with Daisy. Bringing my Honey home safely from work.
Wow, when you start to think about it, there really ARE a lot of things to be grateful for. 🙂 You just have to take the time to acknowledge them. And I already feel like my spirit is lifting a little.
I must keep focusing on the positives, on the endless number of things I have to be thankful for. Yes, the depression and anxiety pull me down…but by relying on God’s help I can find a ruby in the rubble.
So where is the Lord when I can’t feel His presence? He is as close as can be. He is with me, He is in me, He is beside me…and He will never leave. ❤
Photo Credit: Aaron Burden
Knees to the Earth 
Hi Crystal,
Thanks for this blog post. I’ll try to trust that He is there with me, too, even though it doesn’t FEEL like it and I fear I’m not a Christian. It’s so hard when they talk about having assurance of salvation and I don’t really experience that. It feels like this will never end. I had a hard night and I remembered that you said earlier today that I could talk to you if I needed to. I struggle with social things, but decided to go over to someone’s house with my husband for a little get together. At the end, the conversation in our group turned to an end of the world theme that scares me greatly. I managed to keep it together and (hopefully) gracefully leave with my husband. However, I fell apart back here at home. It is SO HARD. Sometimes, I wish that instead of the OCD, anxiety, and depression, I was given another sickness to deal with where I could have assurance of my salvation. I know the truth is that I wouldn’t really want another battle if I was put in it. Everyone else’s trials are very hard, too. I’m trying to find some sort of comfort in music. My husband shared this song with me this morning: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e5xEYgGr6ms It has a calming tone to it. “Just Be Held” by Casting Crowns is good, too. Hope you’re doing OK.
~Kristen
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Kristen, I’m so sorry it took me this long to respond. I’ve really been feeling low and haven’t felt like writing. Truthfully, I just want to sleep (it’s my “escape” from the things I struggle with). Thank you for sharing with me how you have been feeling. I also struggle with social things – I am just awkward and lacking in confidence. But I give you credit for going to the get-together, even though it was quite difficult. Doubting your salvation is a horrible feeling…but please know that you are not alone in struggling with this. I also struggled with this for a number of years…and God finally brought me through on the other side. He’s going to use your struggles and your story. He’s already used it to help me feel like I am not alone. I think it’s great that you’re finding comfort in music. I listened to the song you mentioned, and I like it! It does have a calming tone to it. One song that really hits home for me is “Thy Will Be Done” by Hillary Scott. It’s not so much a calming song, but one that really expresses how my heart feels going through the depression and anxiety. And I do like “Just Be Held,” as well. Keeping you in prayer. ~ Crystal
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Right, we have to learn to acknowledge the things we are to be grateful for and maintain a thankful heart. We have to choose to see beauty instead of the ugliness that dims our vision of hope and optimism. With the things you mentioned, I can feel how blessed you are Crystal.
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Thank you, Jayson! Yes, focusing on the positive and the beauty around us can really help with our perspective. And you’re right, I am truly blessed by God – I just need to choose to believe this fact every day.
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Hi Crystal, while I don’t struggle with mental illness, I woke up today feeling down. I just couldn’t pull myself up out of the funk. I greeted my coworker who is also a believer and we commiserated that we were just dragging all day. Seems like it’s been raining for 8 years straight here in Oregon. I pray the Lord will give us new strength tomorrow. I am so grateful for hope and the joy His awesome presence gives us. I’ll be praying for you.
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Hi Hannah, Thank you very much for reading and for sharing! It definitely is difficult when we feel low and have little energy. It’s almost like trying to climb out of a pit. But you’re right, by relying on God we can find new strength, along with hope for a better day tomorrow. I really appreciate your prayers, and I will keep you in prayer as well. ❤
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