Even If You Don’t

There is a song called “Even If,” by MercyMe, that sums up what I’m feeling right now. You can listen to the song here. The chorus of the song goes like this:

I know You’re able and I know You can
Save through the fire with Your mighty hand
But even if You don’t
My hope is You alone
I know the sorrow, I know the hurt
Would all go away if You’d just say the word
But even if You don’t
My hope is You alone

I don’t know why this deep depression and overwhelming anxiety have been allowed into my life. I certainly don’t want them. I hate them. And it seems no matter how hard I fight, they’re always there waiting for me.

This weekend was supposed to an opportunity for my Hubby and me to accomplish some things around the house, as well as spend some quality time together. Well, all I wanted to do was sleep. Sleeping is my escape mechanism – when I’m sleeping, I don’t have to deal with life. I feel the cloud of depression suffocating me…so I lay down, and shut my mind off. But I know that this isn’t right.

Something else I know is that God – if it were His will – could take away these trials in a moment. And yet He doesn’t. He chooses to allow the depression and anxiety in my life. Why? I’m not certain. But I have to trust that He will bring something good out of it, as is stated in Romans 8:28 – “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.”

I must continue to fight my way out of this pit! I can’t give in to this desire to sleep all of the time. I have to keep finding things to be grateful for, and maintain a positive perspective. I need to have faith that God has a purpose in all of this! I must put my hope in Him alone.

What is it that you’re going through right now? Have you sought to put your hope in God alone, no matter how He chooses to work (or not work)?

Photo Credit: Cristian Newman