Category: Mental Health

Through the Darkest Valley

1 The Lord is my shepherd;
     I have all that I need.
2 He lets me rest in green meadows;
    he leads me beside peaceful streams.
3     He renews my strength.
He guides me along right paths,
    bringing honor to his name.
4 Even when I walk
    through the darkest valley,
I will not be afraid,
    for you are close beside me.
Your rod and your staff
    protect and comfort me.
5 You prepare a feast for me
    in the presence of my enemies.
You honor me by anointing my head with oil.
    My cup overflows with blessings.
6 Surely your goodness and unfailing love will pursue me
    all the days of my life,
and I will live in the house of the Lord
    forever.

~ Psalm 23

These words were a balm to my soul last night. My doctor increased one of my medicines two weeks ago to help me with my anxiety, and unfortunately it seems to be having the opposite effect. I have been more anxious and depressed than normal–and even somewhat paranoid. Noises were bothering me and making me scared, and I was worrying about everything.

I decided to take a hot shower and fill my senses with my body wash of lavender and chamomile in an attempt to calm down and prepare for bed. Sometimes I find that heading to bed is the only way to escape the thoughts and the worries…that is, if they don’t keep me from sleep, anyhow.

But before I turned out the light and snuggled into bed, I “snuggled into” Psalm 23. It is a chapter in the Bible that always seems to calm and encourage, no matter what your circumstances.

I meditated on and prayed through each phrase, attempting to let them calm my tortured soul. Thank God for His Word. I don’t know what I would do without it, and without the Living Word, Jesus Christ.

Father, thank you for Your Word, and thank you for Jesus Christ, the Living Word of God. Thank you that your Word is practical–that it meets me where I am and comforts and encourages me when no one and nothing else can. Please help me to continually return to You for renewed peace and strength. Help me to trust that “even when I walk through the darkest valley, I will not be afraid, for you are close beside me.” I love You, and I rest in Your unfailing love for me. Amen.

Photo Credit: Crystal Knauss

Weighed Down

walking-shadows

I’m feeling fairly anxious today. Different things have happened, and just the cares of everyday life are pulling me down. It’s like I’m trapped under a pile of fall leaves, unable to uncover myself. The leaves are light in weight–in that, the situations that cause me to worry are not large in magnitude. But when they all collide on top of one another, and on top of me, they make it very difficult to breathe.

I have had so many ideas for posts to write for my blog recently, but I have had to settle for writing the ideas down, and hoping to flesh them out when I have more time. This makes me sad, because I like to write about things when they’re fresh in my mind, so that I can hopefully capture all of the details and meaning involved. But the ideas, as well, have been piling up, and I haven’t been able to return to them.

I was blessed with being nominated for two awards for my blog yesterday (my first ever awards), and I was SO incredibly excited. I started to complete the necessary tasks for accepting the awards, but ran out of time and was not able to finish them and get them posted. This makes me sad, as well. It was something that gave me such great joy, and yet I couldn’t find the time to express that in my blog. I will finish these posts, but as of right now it just hasn’t happened.

It’s so easy for the cares of life to weigh you down. It’s so easy for everything to pile up and suffocate you. But somehow, I know there must be a way to manage it all.

I’m thankful for the walk that I was able to take today with Daisy–the air was fresh and crisp, and it rejuvenated me. I love being out in nature; and I love seeing Daisy happy. It was so cute to watch her jump in some of the piles of leaves that were amassed on the side of the road. It made me smile. 🙂 I need to grab onto that smile, and hopefully it will carry me through the rest of the day.

But I know that ultimately God is the One who will–who already IS–carrying me through. I want to control everything and make sure that it works out all right, but this is my Father’s job–and He is an expert. He can and will orchestrate the details of my life in such a way that will bring about His best for me and my family. My job is to trust…and to let go.

Turning Off the Worry Switch

through-the-looking-glass

Racing thoughts. Irrational thoughts. Relentless thoughts. When will they end?

I lay awake at night, sleep eluding me, and wonder why my mind won’t just “shut down.”

I had a fairly good day: accomplished several chores, worked on my blog, shared some time with my husband, caught up with my mom over the phone, and took our dog for a walk in the crisp late afternoon air. But for some reason, it seems like there are things left unfinished.

Either that, or I’m concerned about tomorrow.

I must wake up early to go to the Behavioral Health Center that I was discharged from a month and a half ago, in order to sign for and pick up my records. This should be the first step in (hopefully) attaining continued temporary disability benefits.

Then I need to travel to the DVR (Division of Vocational Rehabilitation) Center in order to take a Career Scope test. The goal of the test is to find occupations that would be compatible with my likes, abilities, and skill set, while taking into account my mental health issues. I’m hoping that ultimately they will be able to provide free training for me in a new, suitable career. Prayers are appreciated! 🙂

Later in the evening, I have hand bell rehearsal at my church. It should be fun, albeit challenging. My husband and I are actually attempting to arrive early in order to go over our parts individually.

Maybe by putting these thoughts on “paper” I will be able to let them go. To turn the “worry switch” off in my brain and be able to rest in God and His loving and competent control of my life.

These are the type of thoughts that I want to fall asleep thinking about. 🙂