Breathe in, breathe out;
Don’t listen to the thoughts
Swirling madly in my head.
It’s going to be okay –
How do I know?
Because even though
My world feels like it’s all askew,
I trust that my God
Is holding things together
Just the way He sees fit.
When I struggle with depression,
He is there.
When I fight with my anxiety,
He is there as well.
He is there at all times
To help me in all my afflictions.
Praise Him! ❤
Photo by Štefan Štefančík on Unsplash
As the rain pitter-patters on our rooftop, I sit inside our home trying to to work up the energy and motivation to take on an activity or task. I am just so tired today.
I did have my session with my psychiatrist this morning for TMS (Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation) and meditation – which would normally help me – but my psychiatrist told me that my OCD (Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder) is really affecting my ability to practice the breathing and mindfulness that he prescribes. He gave me a worksheet on which I’m supposed to log my breathing practices and any difficulties that I experience. And if I can’t master this meditation aspect, he might recommend another medication to help get my OCD under control.
I really don’t want to take more medicine. I’m taking enough of it. So I must do my best to practice the breathing and mindfulness throughout the day.
Anyways, just a little update. 🙂 And I wanted to share a poem that I wrote in 2015 – I found it recently in one of my journals, and it seemed to go well with my post today.
Pitter patter, rain spatters
Down the rooftop of our home.
A dark night, and out of sight
Is the sun that once did roam.
I feel my heart stop and start,
Pondering the worries that I face.
I can’t let go – release control,
Because I need things done my way;
But there’s a God whose staff and rod
Are there to guide me when I pray.
I give it up, lift up my cup
And let the Lord pour in His plan –
He knows what’s best, and I can rest
Fully surrounded in His hand. ❤
Photo by reza shayestehpour on Unsplash
Last week I began what I’d like to think of as a new adventure.
If you have read some of my previous posts, you may remember that I wrote about a treatment called ECT, or Electro-convulsive Therapy, that I underwent. It was a long process spanning numerous months, and it was not pleasant. In total I received forty treatments. The treatments did help with my depression, but they also affected my short and long term memory. Because of this I had to stop the treatments.
Well, it’s been a while since I finished ECT, and my depression is still very much lingering. So I decided to try a new treatment called Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation, or TMS. My psychiatrist recommended this for me as it has very few side effects (if any), and combined with his instruction in mindfulness, it could possibly help with my memory issues. So after praying about it and seeking advice, I decided to move forward.
I started the treatments last Friday, and I have a treatment each weekday, so I’ve already had five treatments. My psychiatrist said I should start seeing results around the tenth treatment – so I’m looking forward to that.
Just wanted to share this new journey that I am undertaking, and to ask for prayer. I truly appreciate everyone’s love and encouragement. ❤
Photo by: Crystal Knauss
Knees to the Earth 