“Then Jesus said, ‘Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you. Let me teach you, because I am humble and gentle at heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy to bear, and the burden I give you is light.’” Matthew 11:28-30 NLT
I’m at a complete loss for what to think and how to respond to my continued inability to sleep and to the way it’s making me feel right now.
I want to just keep eating and eating this “comfort food.” Why not? It makes me feel “good” – or at least “okay” – for a few rotten moments…and then it bites me in the butt.
I need You, Daddy. I need You, my “Abba,” my gracious Father…I need You desperately. I know You’re here with me, but I’m having a hard time “feeling” Your presence. I wish You could physically embrace me so that I could “experience” the comfort of your touch…but I can only “sense” Your strong (yet gentle) “arms” around me now with “tingling skin” of faith.
Where are You, God?
Are you in this fiery trial with me, or have You left me all alone?
I know the answer. I know the truth…
I am not alone. You are right here with me, in this fire. Protecting me from the effects of the billowing flames.
You’ve been here before. You’ve felt what I’m feeling. You understand completely.
I am known and loved.
I am cherished and adored.
I have worth.
I have value.
I am fashioned in Your image, and you have declared Your creation of me as “very good.”
I am Your “masterpiece,” …Your “poem”!
You are writing my “story” – the story of my life.
You, the Creator and Sustainer of the Universe, care about me…and You care about everything that concerns me!
You are incredibly and delightfully and utterly GOOD –
Terrified Is the way I feel right now Can’t catch my breath But I have to somehow My heart is racing Can’t slow the beat My face is flushed From so much heat My head is throbbing From all of the thoughts That can’t be resolved Though answers are sought
I’m terrifed. . .
I must surrender All of the unknowns He has our situation Completely under control All our waiting and hoping Is not lost on God The prayers and petitions Have been received with a nod Whatever the outcome The Lord knows what’s best And in the waiting We have His peace and His rest
I wrote this today after finally receiving a callback from the nurse at our fertility office. I had an ultrasound and bloodwork done this morning, and was waiting with bated breath to find out the results. Before I received the call, we didn’t know if we would even be able to continue with the IVF process.
Thankfully, there is still hope…but there are so many unknowns. My body is not responding to the medicines I’m taking like they had planned. So we’re taking one day at a time, and waiting on God to see what happens. ❤