Tag: depression

He Knows What We Need

God knew what I needed before I did.

I was feeling quite down after returning from my psychiatrist appointment. Although our talk went okay, there was a problem with paperwork that he filled out for me – incorrectly – when I really needed for it to be accurate. And then I got stuck in traffic on the way home, which didn’t help…but I gained a new sense of appreciation for my husband, who deals with bad traffic every single day going to and from his job.

Anyways, I got home and made dinner (tacos) and tried to do a few chores. I did a little laundry, a few dishes, and then sat down at the computer to try to write. But I just couldn’t. Normally I enjoy writing, but I was so down that I didn’t even have the energy to do that. I also had a headache. At my whit’s end, I got down on my knees and prayed. I prayed that God would give me wisdom to know how I should spend the time He had given me, and the strength to carry it out. And do you know what? He answered! 🙂

I felt a nudge to go out for a walk. I didn’t really feel like it, as I had no strength and I had already been out for a walk with our dog, Daisy, earlier in the day. Plus it was quite warm outside, and I’m not a fan of the heat. But I slid on my sandals, grabbed my keys, and hit the sidewalk. It wasn’t too warm, there was a nice breeze, and the sun was peeking through the trees. I wish I would have brought my camera, because there were some beautiful trees in bloom. But it was okay – I took pictures with my eyes!

When I returned from the walk, I felt significantly better. I guess the sunshine and the air and the exercise was what I needed. And God knew that – I just had to ask.

So when you’re feeling depressed or anxious, go straight to God. You may not know what is the best thing to help, but He is aware of exactly what you (and I) need – He’s just waiting for us to turn to Him in prayer. ❤

Photo Credit: Redd Angelo

Gray Areas

There have often been times in my life when I’ve struggled with “gray areas” – areas in which there is some form of confusion, debate, or uncertainty. One of those areas has been with mental illness.

I grew up learning the Christian faith. I went to a Christian grade school, a Christian high school, and a Christian college. I went to church almost every week. And when I was quite young I trusted Jesus to be my Savior from sin. Little did I know how much I would need Him as the years went by.

I’d always been an anxious person, but in my teens it got out of control. Not only was I extremely anxious, I was obsessing about minuscule things. I also struggled with low energy and motivation, and I was often down about the instability of key relationships in my life. Finally, I was diagnosed with anxiety, OCD (obsessive-compulsive disorder), and depression.

But that was only the beginning of a long journey. It was difficult for me to understand how God would allow this into my life. Didn’t He love me? And if I were trusting in Him, shouldn’t I be able to overcome these difficulties? Being very familiar with Biblical teachings, I knew that I wasn’t supposed to be anxious. And I wasn’t supposed to be downcast. So what was wrong with me?!

I still don’t have all of the answers. I just know that God, in His wisdom, allowed these difficulties into my life. He’s helping me every day to rely on Him for strength and grace to trust Him and to focus on the blessings that He gives me. It’s definitely a process…baby steps! And while I may not have all of the answers for this gray area, I do know that my God is bigger than it and that He will enable me to obey Him moment by moment.

Have you ever struggled with this gray area? Or is there another gray area that you would like to share? Please feel free to leave a comment! ❤

What Does Depression Feel Like?

It’s not wanting to get out of bed in the morning – and sometimes I don’t.

It’s a cloudiness in my mind that just sucks the life out of my thoughts and emotions.

It’s wanting to isolate myself from other people.

It’s desiring to stay inside the house because it’s kind of my “safe place.”

It’s putting on a smile when I’m around others so they don’t know I’m not feeling well. How would I explain my struggle to them?

It’s feeling lonely – oh, so lonely – even though I’m the one who chose to be by myself. I sometimes feel like there are very few people who understand.

It’s fear, doubt, and a lack of confidence.

It’s feeling like I’m in a deep, dark pit – and like I have no way to climb out of it. Thank goodness the Lord is there to help!

It’s a complete lack of energy. I often want to crawl back in bed, even if I just finally got myself out of it.

It’s a total lack of motivation. Simple daily tasks are huge undertakings for me.

It’s not enjoying the things that you used to enjoy. I used to like so many different activities…but now I just can’t get myself to do them. I have been able to get back into reading and writing, and for this I am grateful.

It’s feeling different. Not normal. Like I don’t fit in.

It’s fighting – fighting every moment of every day to focus on the beautiful and the good, instead of focusing on my struggle.

 

Those are some of the ways that depression plays out in my life. Do YOU struggle with depression? If so, what does depression feel like for you?