Tag: gratitude

A Hope that Lifts my Head

There is a hope that lifts my weary head,
A consolation strong against despair,
That when the world has plunged me in its deepest pit,
I find the Savior there!
Through present sufferings, furture fears,
He whispers courage in my ear.
For I am safe in everlasting arms,
And they will lead me home.

~ There is a Hope, by Stuart Townend and Mark Edwards

Hope. Sometimes this emotion of confident expectation can feel elusive in our lives. I know that when I am discouraged and feel like I am in a pit of despair, it’s difficult to think about hope. It’s hard to see anything beyond the darkness that I am experiencing.

My mood has been up and down recently – more so down than up. I’m on a new medication to augment the main medicine that I take for treatment-resistant depression. I thought it was helping, but now I am not so sure.

Besides feeling depressed and somewhat hopeless, I’ve been feeling so tired. Just weary. This isn’t new, unfortunately. I’ve been struggling with this for years. It’s like I live my life in a sort of fog, where I can’t quite get a deep breath or a sense of being fully awake and alert.

I need to remind myself that I have so many things to be grateful for! A God who loves me unconditionally, a caring husband, a healthy and happy son, a supportive family, a church where we can grow, to name a few of them. God has also provided a home for us, food to eat, clothing to wear, transportation, and so much more. And yet when I am feeling discouraged, it’s almost like I am blinded to these positive things. I have such a hard time focusing on them!

But as much as it seems like there is not a light at the end of the tunnel, this just isn’t true. There IS hope! An eternal hope that can never be taken away. The hope of my relationship with Jesus Christ, and of all the spiritual blessings that I possess in Him. Although I often feel alone during times like these, the truth is that my Savior is right here with me. Not only is He in this pit with me, but His Spirit lives inside of me! These powerful truths are enough to help me lift my weary head, gaze upon His face, and rest confidently in His everlasting arms.

Photo by James McGill on Unsplash

Praising in the Valley

I thought I was doing okay.

I just celebrated my birthday with my family. I received some thoughtful gifts. My husband took a few days off to spend time with me.

But it hit today. What hit, you may ask? Depression did.

The force of it overwhelms me at random. It drags me down into its darkness. It pulls me deep into its pit. The depression is always there, but sometimes it hits so hard that it knocks me down and leaves me gasping for air.

Maybe it’s the quiet lull after the birthday celebration that caused it. Or maybe it has to do with my wacky cycle, or the fertility medicines I’m taking. Or it could be from the bad habits that I get myself stuck in. Or a combination of all three! I guess it doesn’t matter, though. It comes when it wants to and stays until it’s ready to move on.

I know that what will NOT help me is wallowing. On the other hand, what WILL help me is praising. Praising God for who He is. For all that He’s done. For His many blessings. It certainly doesn’t come naturally, especially when I feel so low. But I know that praise and gratitude are the answer.

Please, pray that I will praise in the midst of this valley. ❤

Photo by Eric Ward on Unsplash

When Things Don’t Go As Planned

My husband and I were hoping to try IVF (In Vitro Fertilization). Since nothing else was working, we thought it’d be the logical next step for us. But we weren’t expecting a crazy “rest” cycle in between.

A rest cycle in which I just ovulated today, on day 56. A rest cycle where we were forced to use some of the medication that was set aside for our IVF cycle. A rest cycle that has been anything but restful.

I think that since I didn’t start off taking any fertility medications this cycle, my body just didn’t know what to do. At one point I started spotting, and I figured my period was about to begin. But the days continued to pass uneventfully, and it wasn’t until I insisted on going in to the doctor’s office for blood-work and an US (Ultrasound) that we learned I hadn’t even ovulated yet. It feels like this cycle is just going on and on.

Recently I’ve been having a difficult time remaining grateful regarding our fertility journey. Things just aren’t going as planned. We pray and pray, and yet are left with more questions than answers. What is God doing?

But if I’m honest, there are things that point to God’s involvement in our situation.

For example, we were told by our doctor to purchase the medications that we would need for IVF during our previous cycle. Little did we know that we wouldn’t be able to use them any time soon – and several of the medications have a very short shelf-life. We were worried that they would be wasted, or that we would need to use them prematurely. Even thought we’ve been forced to use some of them to jump-start this “rest” cycle that we’re in, our nurses have been generous enough to give us a few replacement medications – which we can use if we do move on to IVF.

Although things have been frustrating for my husband and me, we know that God is still in control. We need to trust that God is there, working. Working for His glory and our good. And that He wants to teach us and grow us through this process.

P.S. Thank you to all those who have prayed for us during this journey. We are truly grateful! ❤

Photo by Chad Madden on Unsplash