Tag: mental health

Pitter Patter

As the rain pitter-patters on our rooftop, I sit inside our home trying to to work up the energy and motivation to take on an activity or task. I am just so tired today.

I did have my session with my psychiatrist this morning for TMS (Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation) and meditation – which would normally help me – but my psychiatrist told me that my OCD (Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder) is really affecting my ability to practice the breathing and mindfulness that he prescribes. He gave me a worksheet on which I’m supposed to log my breathing practices and any difficulties that I experience. And if I can’t master this meditation aspect, he might recommend another medication to help get my OCD under control.

I really don’t want to take more medicine. I’m taking enough of it. So I must do my best to practice the breathing and mindfulness throughout the day.

Anyways, just a little update. 🙂 And I wanted to share a poem that I wrote in 2015 – I found it recently in one of my journals, and it seemed to go well with my post today.

Pitter patter, rain spatters

Down the rooftop of our home.

A dark night, and out of sight

Is the sun that once did roam.

I feel my heart stop and start,

Pondering the worries that I face.

I can’t let go – release control,

Because I need things done my way;

But there’s a God whose staff and rod

Are there to guide me when I pray.

I give it up, lift up my cup

And let the Lord pour in His plan –

He knows what’s best, and I can rest

Fully surrounded in His hand. ❤

 

Photo by reza shayestehpour on Unsplash

Even If You Don’t

There is a song called “Even If,” by MercyMe, that sums up what I’m feeling right now. You can listen to the song here. The chorus of the song goes like this:

I know You’re able and I know You can
Save through the fire with Your mighty hand
But even if You don’t
My hope is You alone
I know the sorrow, I know the hurt
Would all go away if You’d just say the word
But even if You don’t
My hope is You alone

I don’t know why this deep depression and overwhelming anxiety have been allowed into my life. I certainly don’t want them. I hate them. And it seems no matter how hard I fight, they’re always there waiting for me.

This weekend was supposed to an opportunity for my Hubby and me to accomplish some things around the house, as well as spend some quality time together. Well, all I wanted to do was sleep. Sleeping is my escape mechanism – when I’m sleeping, I don’t have to deal with life. I feel the cloud of depression suffocating me…so I lay down, and shut my mind off. But I know that this isn’t right.

Something else I know is that God – if it were His will – could take away these trials in a moment. And yet He doesn’t. He chooses to allow the depression and anxiety in my life. Why? I’m not certain. But I have to trust that He will bring something good out of it, as is stated in Romans 8:28 – “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.”

I must continue to fight my way out of this pit! I can’t give in to this desire to sleep all of the time. I have to keep finding things to be grateful for, and maintain a positive perspective. I need to have faith that God has a purpose in all of this! I must put my hope in Him alone.

What is it that you’re going through right now? Have you sought to put your hope in God alone, no matter how He chooses to work (or not work)?

Photo Credit: Cristian Newman

A Sacrifice of Praise

I’ve been feeling very depressed over the past week or so. I can’t seem to pinpoint exactly what is the cause – I just know that I want to sleep all of the time, that I don’t feel like doing any kind of activities (including writing), and that I’m having a difficult time being grateful.

But does the fact that I’m feeling the way that I do mean that I don’t need to be grateful? I don’t think so.

What I need to do is offer a sacrifice of praise to my Father God (Hebrews 13:15). In this time of difficulty – even more so than when things are going well – it’s important that I focus on the many things that I have to be thankful for. Am I struggling to see the good things? Yes. But I have to believe that God will help me to change my perspective.

What is it that you’re going through that is making it difficult to offer a sacrifice of praise? And will you choose to give praise in the midst of the struggle?

Photo Credit: Ben White