Tag: mental health

Just the Right Time

God has the best timing. I really don’t know how He does it. 🙂 He allowed just the right song to play on my car radio at just the right time, when I felt overwhelmed to the point of giving up.

I’ve been titrating down on the medications I take for depression, anxiety, and OCD so that my Hubby and I can try to have a child. Over the past two months I’ve gone from taking five medications to just one – and needless to say, it has been extremely difficult. My depression has worsened, my anxiety level has been sky-high, and my obsessive thoughts are almost constant. But my psychiatrist is assured that I’ll be able to handle things through deep breathing and mindfulness. Also, the constant support of the Lord and the love and encouragement from family and friends has pulled me through to this point.

The song that I heard on the radio is called “I Will Lift My Eyes,” and it is sung by Bebo Norman. I’ve heard the song before, but it was especially poignant tonight and it caused tears to stream down my face. It’s been a long time since I’ve really cried – the medicines that I’ve been taking caused me to feel very dull and rather emotionless. But it felt good to release pent-up thoughts and feelings in the form of tears, and to be uplifted by the words of the song. A few of the lyrics are:

“I will lift my eyes to the Maker
Of the mountains I can’t climb
I will lift my eyes to the Calmer
Of the oceans raging wild
I will lift my eyes to the Healer
Of the hurt I hold inside
I will lift my eyes, lift my eyes to You

‘Cause You are and You were and You will be forever
the Lover I need to save me
‘Cause You fashioned the earth and You hold it together, God
so hold me now…”

If you’re struggling with something and you feel like there is no hope and there is no help…please don’t give up. God is there – even if it doesn’t seem like it – and He will break through the hurt, the pain, the thoughts, the fears…and speak to your heart in just the way you need, and at just the right time. How do I know? Because He promises to be our Help, and because He just did this for me.

“I lift up my eyes to the mountains – 
Where does my help come from?
My help comes from the LORD,
The Maker of heaven and earth. ”
~ Psalm 121:1-2

 

Photo by Paul Gilmore on Unsplash

Escaping Emptiness

Words elude me.
They fly away
Like a flock of birds
Soaring over my head,
Just out of the reach
Of my grasping fingertips.
I long to write –
To share everything
That’s going on
Inside my heart and mind –
But each time I try
I come up empty.
And what do you do
With something that is empty?
You fill it! So I am going to fill
This void that I am feeling
With emptiness itself,
And pray that my words
Will return again soon.

 

Photo by frank mckenna on Unsplash

Trust God. Give Thanks. Repeat.

“Lather. Rinse. Repeat.”

This idiom partially captures how my life has felt for the past several weeks. I oversleep in the morning, try to accomplish a few tasks during the day, go to bed early, and start over the next day.

Now granted, I do engage in other activities during the day. I help my Hubby to get off to work. I take care of the pets. I take a shower (even this can be difficult, for lack of energy). I prepare and eat meals. I do laundry…to name some of the activities. But each day feels very much like the day before.

I know that I have much to be grateful for, and that I need to focus on these things. God loves me. I have a husband and family that loves me. I have friends who are supportive. God provides for our needs (even if things are extremely tight). We have pets who keep us company. We have a roof over our heads. And so much more. I pray that the Lord will help me to keep all of this in mind when I start to get discouraged.

Another piece of the story is that I struggle with feeling alone. My Hubby works long hours trying to provide for us, and I don’t get to see him as often as I’d like. I do talk to my Mom on the phone quite a bit, which is helpful. I have other family and friends who I could reach out to, but I often feel like I would be bothering them if I called/visited.

While I was cooking dinner tonight and feeling rather lonely, a verse came to my mind. It’s Isaiah 41:10 – “Don’t be afraid, for I am with you. Don’t be discouraged, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you. I will hold you up with my victorious right hand.” It was just what I needed to hear. God is with me – all the time. He will give me the strength and encouragement that I need. On top of that, I know that my family and friends are there to support me, even when I feel otherwise.

Instead of the “lather, rinse, repeat” idiom that I began this post with, I want to establish a new idiom for myself:

Trust God. Give thanks. Repeat.

This will most certainly be a better way to occupy my time when I’m feeling lonely or like life is too repetitive. And it will help me to focus on the truth: God is with me, and He will enable me to accomplish the tasks that He calls me to do. ❤

 

Photo by Ben White on Unsplash