In This Very Moment

Father, I need You.

Right here, right now,

In this very moment…

I feel overwhelmed.

My heart is racing;

My breathing is choppy;

My thoughts are out of control.

I feel like the weight of the world

Is on my shoulders –

But I know that it’s not.

Questions abound,

But no answers are forthcoming.

What would you have me to do?

Father, I need You.

Right here, right now,

In this very moment…

I need Your rest for my racing heart.

I need your calm for my choppy breathing.

And I need your peace for my out-of-control thoughts.

I know you are there.

I know you see and hear and care.

I know You are Who You say that You are…

And I need You. ❤

 

Photo by Allef Vinicius on Unsplash

A Magnet and Mindfulness

Tock tock tock tock tock tock tock tock.

The magnet makes this repetitive sound as it works on my brain. It doesn’t hurt – it’s just a little uncomfortable at times. But I’m really hoping and praying that these TMS (Trans-cranial Magnetic Stimulation) treatments are going to help with my severe depression.

A good thing is that my psychiatrist uses the time that I’m receiving my treatments to help me work on mindfulness and meditation. He says that practicing these breathing techniques should lengthen the efficacy of the TMS treatments. Prayerfully this will be accurate!

So this is generally how the TMS treatments work. I enter my psychiatrist’s office and he asks me to make myself comfortable in the treatment chair. He positions my head in the correct spot, and then lowers the magnet to cover it. I must remain as still as possible during the treatment, as the machine has been calibrated to stimulate a precise area of my brain.

I remain this way for about forty minutes. The magnet makes the “tock tock” sounds around every thirty seconds (when the magnet is delivering the current), and is quiet in between.

While the magnet is doing it’s thing, my psychiatrist has me practice several breathing techniques. The focused breathing helps me to stay relaxed and to combat any anxious or obsessive thoughts.

I have had fifteen treatments, and so far I have seen some progress. My sleep is better, and my negative thoughts are more controlled. Regarding my depression, I have also seen some improvement – and it seems to get a little better each day.

Thank you for everyone’s prayers and support. I need them on this new journey! ❤

 

Photo by Lesly B. Juarez on Unsplash

Yet I Will Rejoice in the Lord

“Even though the fig trees are all destroyed, and there is neither blossom left nor fruit; though the olive crops all fail, and the fields lie barren; even if the flocks die in the fields and the cattle barns are empty, yet I will rejoice in the Lord; I will be happy in the God of my salvation.” ~ Habakkuk 3:17-18

I’m so grateful for the “yet” in the above passage. It means that even though I’m fighting a difficult battle right now, God has a purpose in it and will use it for His glory.

Even though I feel depressed most of the time and I have little to no energy – yet I will rejoice in the Lord.

Even though my mind swirls with unwanted thoughts that incite fear and doubt – yet I will rejoice in the Lord.

Even though I have no idea if/when there will be a break-through in my treatment – yet I will rejoice in the Lord.

It’s so easy to say that I will rejoice in the Lord in the midst of trials…but will I truly practice this? I want to. I don’t want my attitude and actions to be dependent upon my circumstances. I want to be grounded in my relationship with God and my knowledge of His Word. I want to have true joy!

So what is your “even though?” And how well are you doing with rejoicing in the Lord in the midst of your suffering? Let’s pray for each other regarding this! ❤

 

Photo by David Marcu on Unsplash