Tired but Hopeful

The past week or so has been more than a little tiring.

Things started off well. I was blessed with some donated medicine from my fertility center, which had been prescribed for me in the past but we weren’t able to afford. It’s called Gonal-f and it’s used to help a woman develop a mature egg during her cycle. I was very grateful for this, but I wasn’t really prepared for how the medicine would affect me.

I learned to give myself the first injection of the Gonal-f Friday night, as my husband had to work and couldn’t help. I watched the instructional video numerous times and was finally able to administer the shot to myself successfully. I was proud of this. 🙂 Over the weekend and into the beginning of this week I have been able to give myself the injection around the same time each evening, as instructed. I’ve been excited to see if it will help.

After a day or two of the shots I started to feel really emotional and more depressed than I normally do. It seems that these can be side effects of the medicine…so I’ve been trying my best to stay upbeat and to express my emotions in healthy ways.

I think the medicine is also making me super tired. I haven’t felt like doing much of anything recently, and small tasks leave me feeling drained. It seems that the sleepiness can be a side effect of the medicine too – but all of the side effects will be well worth it if it helps me to conceive this cycle.

This fertility process has been quite the journey so far! My husband Roy and I have learned a lot of new terminology and information. We’ve made many visits to the fertility center (most of the time I go by myself, as Roy has to work, but he comes when he can and when he needs to). We’ve learned how to administer injections. I’ve received countless ultrasounds and blood testings. And we’ve had many highs and lows.

But we’re seeking God’s guidance and embarking on this journey together. Even though the process is stressful, it’s helping us to grow closer to each other. And we’re trying our best to remain hopeful for the future.

The rest we must leave in the Lord’s hands, trusting that He is good and that He knows what is best for us. ❤

Photo by Aaron Burden on Unsplash

Decisions, Decisions

So I had a little bit of a different outcome at the fertility doctor’s office today.

I came in for an US (ultrasound), bloodwork, and a post coital test. I could only do the post coital test if my follicle (developing egg) was large enough – and it was, thankfully. They performed the test and after looking at my sample through a microscope, they informed me that my results were favorable. What does this mean? The Hubby and I can do things naturally this month, if we would like to.

For the previous four months, Roy and I have had an IUI (Intrauterine Insemination) procedure performed at the appropriate time in my cycle. My cervical mucus had not been a favorable environment, so they needed to bypass all of that by performing the IUI’s. My doctor had advised me to take Mucinex to help with my mucus, but this hadn’t been successful. After taking the Mucinex and then completing the post coital test this cycle, however, they determined that my mucus was a good environment.

Which means we’re faced with a different question than normal: should we go ahead and do things naturally this cycle, or should we have the IUI performed anyway? The pro to having the IUI performed anyway would be that if I failed to conceive this cycle, we would know that it wasn’t because of my cervical mucus, as the IUI would bypass that. The con to performing the IUI is the procedure itself. It’s a little bit involved…and it’s not easy to go through. Doing things naturally would be much easier. But we want to do what will produce the most favorable results.

The doctor’s office will be calling me later today to give me the results of my bloodwork and to provide further instructions. At that point I guess we’ll have to talk it over and make a decision. We are praying, and I know that other people are praying for us, so I trust that God will guide us in the way He knows is best.

Undergoing fertility treatments has definitely been a journey in and of itself for us. But the Lord has been faithful so far…and I believe that He will finish what He has begun, in His time and His way.

Thank you so much for your support as we undertake this journey! And I wanted to apologize for all of the terminology in this post – it’s difficult to provide more detail than a cursory explanation without utilizing the terms. But please let me know if I was too confusing or if anything seemed overly candid. Thanks again. ❤


Photo by Jake Melara on Unsplash

Remaining Hopeful through Infertility

Another negative pregnancy test.

I stood dazed in the produce section of the local grocery store after the call came in this afternoon – the nurse notified me that this past cycle was unsuccessful. I continued to stand there for a bit, watching with blurry vision as people pushed their shopping carts around the aisles.

I called my Hubby to let him know. I spoke with my Mom and told her the news. And I texted other family and friends who have been supporting us on this journey.

I was hopeful that this would be a good cycle, as I had undergone an HSG (hysterosalpingogram) earlier on to determine if my fallopian tubes were clear – and they are. This was good news. And the doctor also told me that an HSG can sometimes clear out any residue in your tubes that might be hindering conception, giving you a better chance. Well, it didn’t work this time…but at least I know that my fallopian tubes are unblocked.

Truthfully, I just feel drained. Discouraged and drained. My hopefulness about the cycle had kept me a little more energized than normal…but when I received the news, all of the energy came gushing out. The fertility process itself is exhausting – especially when it culminates in a negative pregnancy test.

I’m going to try to set up a phone call with my doctor to see if he has any new suggestions. The nurse had mentioned that there were different shots I could take that might help with my FSH (follicle-stimulating hormone) levels, but we have to wait to see if our insurance will cover them. Also, one of the ladies at the front desk had told me that because we would like to try IVF (in vitro fertilization) but can’t afford it, they could possibly check to see if they have any donated IVF meds to give to us. So we have a few options to look into.

But mostly, we just need to stay positive and keep trying. And keep trusting in God – a God Who knows us intimately and loves us completely. And a God Who is continually working for our good, and His glory.

P.S. Thank you for everyone’s prayers…they mean a lot. ❤

Photo by Surachet Khaoropwongchai on Unsplash