Tag: waiting

Taking the Next Step

Today Roy and I met with one of our fertility doctors for an IVF (In Vitro Fertilization) consult. This month we are undergoing our 8th IUI (IntraUterine Insemination) procedure…and if we don’t conceive this cycle, it was recommended that we move forward with the IVF process.

We think the meeting went fairly well, but it was a lot of information.

A lot of terms.

A lot of explanations.

A lot of questions and answers.

I tried to write down as much as I could to refer to later, since my memory has been affected negatively from the ECT (ElectroConvulsive Therapy) treatments I sustained while in my deepest depressive episodes. But it was difficult – the doctor spoke quickly and I was forced to ask her to repeat herself numerous times. However, it was important information for me to understand and remember, so I asked again.

According to the doctor, women my age experience around a 50% chance of conceiving with IVF. But there are a few things that they haven’t figured out yet about my cycle, and that could bring the percentage down some.

For example, my FSH (Follicle-Stimulating Hormone) levels tend to be high when I undergo the baseline ultrasound and blood-work at the beginning of my cycles. This could possibly mean I have a decreased egg reserve…which would make conceiving (naturally or with IVF) more difficult. But the doctor wants to check my AMH (Anti-Müllerian Hormone) levels through more blood-work, as she said this level could definitively tell us what my egg reserve is.

It’s all quite overwhelming.

But we’re praying for wisdom and strength and for God to have His way. If He wants us to conceive, we know that it will happen. And if He doesn’t…we have to be okay with that too. He is the One who ultimately knows what is best for us.

So as anxiety rises in my mind and heart, I want to praise God. Praise Him for the opportunity to receive treatment to help us conceive. Praise Him for helping us will all of the requirements: the appointments, the ultrasounds, the blood-work, the IUI’s, the injections, the other medications – and the finances needed to undergo these treatments. And praise Him for His presence throughout this entire process so far…and His continued presence as we take this next step.

Trusting Him fully is OUR job. We leave the rest to HIM. ❤

Photo by Lindsay Henwood on Unsplash

Tired but Hopeful

The past week or so has been more than a little tiring.

Things started off well. I was blessed with some donated medicine from my fertility center, which had been prescribed for me in the past but we weren’t able to afford. It’s called Gonal-f and it’s used to help a woman develop a mature egg during her cycle. I was very grateful for this, but I wasn’t really prepared for how the medicine would affect me.

I learned to give myself the first injection of the Gonal-f Friday night, as my husband had to work and couldn’t help. I watched the instructional video numerous times and was finally able to administer the shot to myself successfully. I was proud of this. 🙂 Over the weekend and into the beginning of this week I have been able to give myself the injection around the same time each evening, as instructed. I’ve been excited to see if it will help.

After a day or two of the shots I started to feel really emotional and more depressed than I normally do. It seems that these can be side effects of the medicine…so I’ve been trying my best to stay upbeat and to express my emotions in healthy ways.

I think the medicine is also making me super tired. I haven’t felt like doing much of anything recently, and small tasks leave me feeling drained. It seems that the sleepiness can be a side effect of the medicine too – but all of the side effects will be well worth it if it helps me to conceive this cycle.

This fertility process has been quite the journey so far! My husband Roy and I have learned a lot of new terminology and information. We’ve made many visits to the fertility center (most of the time I go by myself, as Roy has to work, but he comes when he can and when he needs to). We’ve learned how to administer injections. I’ve received countless ultrasounds and blood testings. And we’ve had many highs and lows.

But we’re seeking God’s guidance and embarking on this journey together. Even though the process is stressful, it’s helping us to grow closer to each other. And we’re trying our best to remain hopeful for the future.

The rest we must leave in the Lord’s hands, trusting that He is good and that He knows what is best for us. ❤

Photo by Aaron Burden on Unsplash

Hope Mixed with Uncertainty

My husband, Roy, and I underwent a second IUI (IntraUterine Insemination) procedure earlier today. We’re praying that it will be successful and that I will become pregnant, but there is a lot of uncertainty and doubt. We won’t find out if the procedure was effective for two weeks. And those two weeks of waiting will most certainly be difficult ones.

A second IUI. A second assisted attempt at becoming pregnant. A second opportunity for hope…but also a second possibility for failure.

I know that this is only our second try with the help of a fertility specialist. I know that there are many people who have struggled for long periods of time attempting to get pregnant. And I know that years ago you were required to wait much longer to discern if you were pregnant. But somehow that knowledge does not substantially ease the anxiety and uncertainty of the waiting. I must strive each moment to be grateful. And I must repeatedly remind myself that this process is in God’s hands, and that He will accomplish His perfect will. In the end, that is what I need to be seeking…even more than desiring to have a child.

So, imbued with the Lord’s strength, we will wait, and hope, and trust – even in the midst of the uncertainty.

Is there something that you are waiting and hoping and praying for? Is there a certain relationship/dream/situation that you’re having difficulty relinquishing to God – so that you can rest in His perfect plan and timing? I’d love to hear your story. Please feel free to share in the comments section. And thanks so much for reading! ❤

 

Photo by Jurica Koletić on Unsplash