Author: Crystal

Just a woman on a journey...grateful to have God by my side!

Surrender

Terrified
Is the way I feel right now
Can’t catch my breath
But I have to somehow
My heart is racing
Can’t slow the beat
My face is flushed
From so much heat
My head is throbbing
From all of the thoughts
That can’t be resolved
Though answers are sought

I’m terrifed. . .

BUT GOD.

I must surrender
All of the unknowns
He has our situation
Completely under control
All our waiting and hoping
Is not lost on God
The prayers and petitions
Have been received with a nod
Whatever the outcome
The Lord knows what’s best
And in the waiting
We have His peace and His rest

I wrote this today after finally receiving a callback from the nurse at our fertility office. I had an ultrasound and bloodwork done this morning, and was waiting with bated breath to find out the results. Before I received the call, we didn’t know if we would even be able to continue with the IVF process.

Thankfully, there is still hope…but there are so many unknowns. My body is not responding to the medicines I’m taking like they had planned. So we’re taking one day at a time, and waiting on God to see what happens. ❤

Photo by Priscilla Du Preez on Unsplash

Praising in the Valley

I thought I was doing okay.

I just celebrated my birthday with my family. I received some thoughtful gifts. My husband took a few days off to spend time with me.

But it hit today. What hit, you may ask? Depression did.

The force of it overwhelms me at random. It drags me down into its darkness. It pulls me deep into its pit. The depression is always there, but sometimes it hits so hard that it knocks me down and leaves me gasping for air.

Maybe it’s the quiet lull after the birthday celebration that caused it. Or maybe it has to do with my wacky cycle, or the fertility medicines I’m taking. Or it could be from the bad habits that I get myself stuck in. Or a combination of all three! I guess it doesn’t matter, though. It comes when it wants to and stays until it’s ready to move on.

I know that what will NOT help me is wallowing. On the other hand, what WILL help me is praising. Praising God for who He is. For all that He’s done. For His many blessings. It certainly doesn’t come naturally, especially when I feel so low. But I know that praise and gratitude are the answer.

Please, pray that I will praise in the midst of this valley. ❤

Photo by Eric Ward on Unsplash

When Things Don’t Go As Planned

My husband and I were hoping to try IVF (In Vitro Fertilization). Since nothing else was working, we thought it’d be the logical next step for us. But we weren’t expecting a crazy “rest” cycle in between.

A rest cycle in which I just ovulated today, on day 56. A rest cycle where we were forced to use some of the medication that was set aside for our IVF cycle. A rest cycle that has been anything but restful.

I think that since I didn’t start off taking any fertility medications this cycle, my body just didn’t know what to do. At one point I started spotting, and I figured my period was about to begin. But the days continued to pass uneventfully, and it wasn’t until I insisted on going in to the doctor’s office for blood-work and an US (Ultrasound) that we learned I hadn’t even ovulated yet. It feels like this cycle is just going on and on.

Recently I’ve been having a difficult time remaining grateful regarding our fertility journey. Things just aren’t going as planned. We pray and pray, and yet are left with more questions than answers. What is God doing?

But if I’m honest, there are things that point to God’s involvement in our situation.

For example, we were told by our doctor to purchase the medications that we would need for IVF during our previous cycle. Little did we know that we wouldn’t be able to use them any time soon – and several of the medications have a very short shelf-life. We were worried that they would be wasted, or that we would need to use them prematurely. Even thought we’ve been forced to use some of them to jump-start this “rest” cycle that we’re in, our nurses have been generous enough to give us a few replacement medications – which we can use if we do move on to IVF.

Although things have been frustrating for my husband and me, we know that God is still in control. We need to trust that God is there, working. Working for His glory and our good. And that He wants to teach us and grow us through this process.

P.S. Thank you to all those who have prayed for us during this journey. We are truly grateful! ❤

Photo by Chad Madden on Unsplash