Category: Life

No Matter What it Takes

Today was a fairly good day.

Even though I wasn’t able to sleep at all last night, I got out of bed with my Hubby this morning and refrained from going back to bed. I spent some time at Barnes and Noble with a drink and a pastry. I worked on chores around the house. I took the dog for a walk. I completed tasks to prepare for a seasonal, work-from-home job that I will be starting soon. And I began to plan for teaching English lessons to my friend’s son, who speaks Spanish. It may not sound like much, but for me, it’s quite a bit.

To top it all off, my husband (Roy) had overtime at work and was able to come home early. That gave us some time to hang out and also to run to the store for a few things. We may have even grabbed drinks at Dunkin’. 🙂

As I mentioned, this may seem like a pretty normal day to most people. But because of my depression and anxiety and my desire to “avoid” the things that distress me, I have been oversleeping. Wasting the time that the Lord has given me. Failing to use the gifts that God has bestowed upon me to reach out to others. And I don’t want to do that any longer.

So it’s going to be a day-by-day thing. I know that I will still struggle immensely…but I feel like I have turned a small corner. Each day I must strive to get myself out of bed and to face the day, along with its challenges. Strive to take baby steps forward. Strive to be the woman that God created me to be.

Thankfully, my heavenly Father is faithful; and I trust that He will enable me to obey Him – no matter what it takes. ❤

 

Photo by David Mao on Unsplash

He is Always There

Floating along in a sea of people,
I feel all alone;

For though there are many faces,
By them I’m not known.

I smile, and speak, and gesture –
But nobody cares.

They gaze in my direction
But it’s just a blank stare.

This time of year is supposed to be
Merry and bright…

But all I can feel is an ache
That won’t pass with the night.

Thank God for Jesus, the One
Who is always there;

He brings peace when I’m fretful
And joy when I’m full of despair.

 

I apologize for the disheartening nature of this poem…but it’s how I’m feeling right now, and I wanted to be real about it. There is a light, however, in the darkness: Jesus, the Son of God, Who came to earth to give us abundant life – both now and throughout eternity. With Him, I (and you) will never be alone. ❤

 

Photo by Kleiton Silva on Unsplash

When Joy Seems Elusive

I’ve been falling back into the mud and mire of depression.

There are numerous reasons for this. The struggle with insomnia has left me extremely tired. The hormone medicine I was taking to assist in achieving pregnancy affected me poorly, leaving me feeling anxious, irritable, and overwhelmed. And I’ve been experiencing loneliness for some time now.

I try to pull myself up out of the pit, but it’s not working. What I really need is for God to pull me up out of this muck.

With the holiday season upon us, I’ve wanted to focus on being grateful. On praising my Father for Who He is and all that He’s provided. On reaching out to others who need love. I haven’t succeeded yet in doing this. I need to be intentional – to do whatever it takes to be a blessing…even if I feel like I’m sinking into the depths. I know that if I can focus on other people, I will begin to feel better. Please pray that I can do this.

Through all of this, God has been faithful. I know He’s with me, and that I can go to Him at any time, and for any reason. He is my loving Father. My Comforter. My Savior. My Friend. I can trust in Him fully, and I can rely on His Word and His Spirit for guidance.

I’ve been reading through the Psalms, as these poignant songs really resonate with me in my situation. They help me to be honest with God, and to express what’s going on inside my heart. Yesterday as I was reading I came across a passage that encouraged me and gave me hope. I believe that as I cling to the truths in these verses, God will lift my spirit and restore my joy and gratitude. ❤

“But I have trusted in Your steadfast love;
my heart shall rejoice in Your salvation.
I will sing to the LORD,
because He has dealt bountifully with me.”

~ Psalm 13:5-6 ESV

 

Photo by Aaron Burden on Unsplash