Even If You Don’t

There is a song called “Even If,” by MercyMe, that sums up what I’m feeling right now. You can listen to the song here. The chorus of the song goes like this:

I know You’re able and I know You can
Save through the fire with Your mighty hand
But even if You don’t
My hope is You alone
I know the sorrow, I know the hurt
Would all go away if You’d just say the word
But even if You don’t
My hope is You alone

I don’t know why this deep depression and overwhelming anxiety have been allowed into my life. I certainly don’t want them. I hate them. And it seems no matter how hard I fight, they’re always there waiting for me.

This weekend was supposed to an opportunity for my Hubby and me to accomplish some things around the house, as well as spend some quality time together. Well, all I wanted to do was sleep. Sleeping is my escape mechanism – when I’m sleeping, I don’t have to deal with life. I feel the cloud of depression suffocating me…so I lay down, and shut my mind off. But I know that this isn’t right.

Something else I know is that God – if it were His will – could take away these trials in a moment. And yet He doesn’t. He chooses to allow the depression and anxiety in my life. Why? I’m not certain. But I have to trust that He will bring something good out of it, as is stated in Romans 8:28 – “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.”

I must continue to fight my way out of this pit! I can’t give in to this desire to sleep all of the time. I have to keep finding things to be grateful for, and maintain a positive perspective. I need to have faith that God has a purpose in all of this! I must put my hope in Him alone.

What is it that you’re going through right now? Have you sought to put your hope in God alone, no matter how He chooses to work (or not work)?

Photo Credit: Cristian Newman

Hush, Hush – A Review

I love to read – there’s nothing better than snuggling up with our dog, Daisy, on the couch with a cup of coffee and a good book. So even though my blog is not specifically tailored towards book reviews, I thought it might be nice to share my thoughts about some of the titles I read. Hopefully you’ll follow along! 🙂

When I purchased the book Hush, Hush by Becca Fitzpatrick, I wasn’t sure what to expect. I was walking around Barnes and Noble (in the YA section, of course), and several teens were browsing there as well. One of them pointed out to me several of her favorite books, and the Hush, Hush series was at the top of her list. So I decided I’d give it a try.

The first book in a series of four, Hush, Hush introduces the story of Nora and Patch. They are thrown together as lab partners at their high school…and Nora couldn’t be more frustrated with the situation. Patch was seemingly her opposite, and was mostly an annoyance to her. However as time goes by, Nora begins to get to know Patch, while at the same time being drawn in by his muscled body and mesmerizing eyes.

As Nora and Patch grow closer, Nora has more questions than answers. There is something different about Patch, but she can’t place her finger on it. Things start happening to her and to people around her, and she doesn’t know whom to trust…and whom to suspect. Is Patch someone she can feel safe with, or is he pulling her into a world full of danger?

I enjoyed reading Hush, Hush – it had well-developed characters, and there was a romantic tension between Nora and Patch that wove throughout most of the book. I liked how I could relate to the character’s thoughts and actions, and how it felt like I was right there in the middle of their world.

If you’re looking for a book with romance, suspense, and fantasy that will keep you turning the pages, I’d recommend Hush, Hush! And the great thing is, once you finish this book, you can move on to the next book in the series – Crescendo. I’ve started reading it and so far, so good. 😉

Thankful Thursday (episode 8)

Being thankful is difficult sometimes. I missed sharing my gratitude list last week, as I still have been feeling very low. But God has somehow continued to bring to mind things that I can be thankful for.

I may not “feel” grateful, but I am trying to offer praise to God anyhow…and I believe the feeling will come later. So here is my gratitude list from the past two weeks.

  • Roy received good news that his college application fee will be waived and that he has fewer credits to complete than he thought to get his Bachelor’s degree.
  • God providing for all of my needs.
  • I had a nice conversation with a friend who understands what I’m going through.
  • My Hubby did the dishes for me!
  • We played handbells well for Music Appreciation Day at church.
  • Roy and I were able to relax together in the afternoon.
  • The Hubby and I used a gift card to go to Cracker Barrel for dinner! *yum*
  • A good night’s rest.
  • That I have hands to wash dishes with.
  • I got my hair cut and it turned out great. 🙂
  • I accomplished some chores, even though I didn’t feel like it.
  • Roy and I celebrated five years of marriage. ❤
  • We went to a wine tasting and really enjoyed it.
  • We shared a nice time with our families.
  • Safety and fun traveling to Wissahickon Park.
  • My Hubby vacuumed the house for me.
  • The smell of honeysuckle in our backyard.

I hope that everyone is having a good week. And whatever it is you may be going through…know that God’s got you (I tell myself this often). Also, try to find small things to be grateful for (I’m working on this too). ❤

Photo Credit: Crystal Knauss