Tag: anxiety

Gray Areas

There have often been times in my life when I’ve struggled with “gray areas” – areas in which there is some form of confusion, debate, or uncertainty. One of those areas has been with mental illness.

I grew up learning the Christian faith. I went to a Christian grade school, a Christian high school, and a Christian college. I went to church almost every week. And when I was quite young I trusted Jesus to be my Savior from sin. Little did I know how much I would need Him as the years went by.

I’d always been an anxious person, but in my teens it got out of control. Not only was I extremely anxious, I was obsessing about minuscule things. I also struggled with low energy and motivation, and I was often down about the instability of key relationships in my life. Finally, I was diagnosed with anxiety, OCD (obsessive-compulsive disorder), and depression.

But that was only the beginning of a long journey. It was difficult for me to understand how God would allow this into my life. Didn’t He love me? And if I were trusting in Him, shouldn’t I be able to overcome these difficulties? Being very familiar with Biblical teachings, I knew that I wasn’t supposed to be anxious. And I wasn’t supposed to be downcast. So what was wrong with me?!

I still don’t have all of the answers. I just know that God, in His wisdom, allowed these difficulties into my life. He’s helping me every day to rely on Him for strength and grace to trust Him and to focus on the blessings that He gives me. It’s definitely a process…baby steps! And while I may not have all of the answers for this gray area, I do know that my God is bigger than it and that He will enable me to obey Him moment by moment.

Have you ever struggled with this gray area? Or is there another gray area that you would like to share? Please feel free to leave a comment! ❤

Lord, Where Are You?

Do you ever get the feeling that you are all alone? Do you ever question whether or not God is with you, even though you know that He is? Do you ever think about the future and instead of feeling optimistic, feel something akin to apathy?

That’s how I feel right now. I feel very “blah.”

I woke up this morning extremely tired. I worked from home for a few hours, drank lots of coffee, ate lunch, and was still tired. I tried my best to get some chores done this afternoon. I went to the grocery store, cleaned up a bit, and paid bills. I even took the dog for a walk. But I never seemed to get that jolt of energy I was seeking.

The Hubby came home, we took some pics outside of the pretty trees and flowers, and I ate dinner. And now I’m writing…with the hope that I can regain my creativity and optimism.

It’s a struggle. Each day is a struggle. But I have so much to be grateful for…I KNOW that I do! I haven’t been doing very well with keeping my gratitude list, so maybe that’s part of the reason why I’m feeling this way. I need to maintain a thankful heart.

So let me think of some things I have to be grateful for: the smell of the air after a rain shower. A nice time with family for Easter. That our handbell choir played well at church. Hot running water to take a shower. Air conditioning to keep us cool in the house. A good walk with Daisy. Bringing my Honey home safely from work.

Wow, when you start to think about it, there really ARE a lot of things to be grateful for. 🙂 You just have to take the time to acknowledge them. And I already feel like my spirit is lifting a little.

I must keep focusing on the positives, on the endless number of things I have to be thankful for. Yes, the depression and anxiety pull me down…but by relying on God’s help I can find a ruby in the rubble.

So where is the Lord when I can’t feel His presence? He is as close as can be. He is with me, He is in me, He is beside me…and He will never leave. ❤

Photo Credit: Aaron Burden

When Things Come Unravelled

What causes me to unravel?

That’s a great question! And a question that I have never really asked myself before. So now is as good a time as ever! 🙂 Here are some things that induce a melt-down…or a mini-meltdown.

  1. Situations where I’m among a large crowd of people (okay, so even a semi-large crowd is difficult for me). This causes me a lot of anxiety.
  2. When I’ve lost something and have looked everywhere I can think of for it, but still can’t find it.
  3. Incorrect grammar. Okay, so maybe it doesn’t cause me to unravel, as I know I use incorrect grammar myself sometimes. But it bugs me. 😉
  4. Not getting enough sleep. It’s so hard to face the day when you tossed and turned the night before.
  5. Not “matching.” If I’m wearing black pants, I need to wear black shoes and carry a black purse to match.
  6. Something not being finished. Whether it be a thought, a blog post I’m writing, a conversation, a task I was working on…it bothers me to not have things completed.
  7. Hot and humid weather. Ugh! I’m a mild weather kind of girl – I like the Spring and the Fall. But when it’s hot and muggy and sweat is rolling down my back? Yeah, I’m done.
  8. When someone I love is hurting. This is a big one. I can’t stand it when a family member or friend is experiencing a really difficult time. Especially when I can’t do much to help!
  9. Decisions. Big or small, I struggle with them all.
  10. When I do something that I shouldn’t have done…like sleep all morning. I tend to beat myself up and it spirals downward.

So those are some of the things that cause me to unravel. What causes YOU to unravel? And what (or who) helps to bring you back to sanity?

I’m grateful for a God and for family and friends who point me back in the right direction. ❤