What do you do when God says “not yet”?

You wait. And you listen. And you pray. And you try to rest in His love.

That’s what I’ve been attempting to do since I got the call late yesterday afternoon that the IUI (Intrauterine Insemination) procedure that Roy and I had undergone was unsuccessful, and that I was not pregnant.

I can’t say that it’s been easy. Even though this was only our first cycle of utilizing the extra support of an infertility specialist to help us conceive, I still managed to get my hopes up. I still thought that there was a possibility that the procedure would be successful, and that we would be able to start a new journey of carrying and raising a child. And there WAS a possibility…but it wasn’t the right time.

Am I angry? I was at first. Am I frustrated? Definitely felt some frustration. Am I sad and hurt and disappointed? Yes, yes, and yes. But I believe beyond a shadow of a doubt that my God knows what’s best for Roy and for me, and I know that His timing is perfect.

So where do we go from here?

Well, we start another cycle and see what happens. We try again.

I put in a call to the office requesting a meeting with my doctor (we had a consultation with him before we began this whole process, but since then we’ve been working mainly with the nurses). He is going to give me a call in a week so that we can discuss what he thinks would be the best way for us to proceed. I don’t know if he’s going to want us to try another IUI, or if he will recommend IVF (In Vitro Fertilization). We’ll see what he says!

It’s amazing how God has been speaking to my heart since we got the news yesterday. While I was reading today’s installment of “Our Daily Bread” this morning, I came across a well-known (but difficult to truly believe and apply) passage of Scripture that was comforting:

“And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to His purpose for them…” ~ Romans 8:28 (NLT)

This reminded me that God desires the best for Roy and me, and that He is working in our lives according to His perfect plan!

What’s even more encouraging (and convicting) is the truth found in the verse following this passage of Scripture:

“For God knew His people in advance, and He chose them to become like His Son, so that his Son would be the firstborn among many brothers and sisters.” ~ Romans 8:29 (NLT)

God wants me (and all of His children) to be made like Jesus! His main goal for us is not for us to “be happy” or to “get what we want.” He wants to shape us into the image of His Son, Jesus Christ, in order to bring glory to Himself!

Now this doesn’t mean that He doesn’t want us to have joy. But we can have joy through our relationship with Him and through being grateful for all that God has given us already, instead of basing our happiness on that “thing” or “experience” or “relationship” that we think will fulfill us. If we attempt to find our joy in any other place than in the person of Jesus Christ, we will be chasing the wind and will be ultimately unfulfilled.

All that to say…is it difficult to wait? Yes. Is it disappointing to not receive the answer that we are longing for? Definitely. But we MUST believe God when He tells us that He knows what is best for us and that He is working on behalf of our best interests. Praise God – He is so good!

I want to end with a quote that my Mom came across in a book that she’s going through in her Women’s Bible Study at church. It really hit me, and I hope that you will be able to pray it along with me:

“Lord, I am willing
To receive what You give.
To lack what You withhold.
To relinquish what You take,
To suffer what You inflict,
To be what you require.”

Anonymous 

❤

 

Photo by Marion Michele on Unsplash

So today has been a day characterized by waiting.

My Hubby Roy and I had a procedure called an IUI (Intrauterine Insemination) performed several weeks go as part of our ongoing attempt to become pregnant. I’ve been required to take two types of progesterone daily to help sustain a pregnancy if it did occur. The first week or so of waiting wasn’t all that bad. But the past several days – especially today – have been very difficult, because I was told that I would have the results from my bloodwork by the end of today, which would tell whether or not I am pregnant.

I still don’t have an answer. I’ve been completely stressed out since I had the blood drawn this morning. My breathing is erratic and my heartbeat is racing. I’ve already called twice to try to figure out what is going on (normally a nurse from the office calls me back within a few hours with my results), but the first time I had to leave a message, and the second time I talked to someone who told me that they are short-staffed today and that someone would get back to me by the end of the day.

Argh!!!

I just want to know now. I want to know if I’m pregnant, or if we’re going to have to try another cycle. My family and friends are awaiting the results also, but I can’t get back to them since I don’t have the information myself. I know I’m going to be very disappointed if I didn’t get pregnant this cycle…and for this reason it’s actually a tad bit of a relief that I haven’t received the results yet (they haven’t told me one way or the other, so there is still a possibility that I could be pregnant). In any case, the waiting is agonizing.

I know that I shouldn’t be stressing out so much – it doesn’t help. It doesn’t accomplish anything. And God doesn’t want me to worry. So I decided to attempt to “get out” how I’m feeling and put it into writing. At least this way I’m keeping my mind busy and being productive.

I believe that God is in control, and that He knows what’s best for Roy and me. If I didn’t get pregnant this cycle we’ll just have to keep trying. The more time that passes, the more difficult and frustrating things will probably get. But I have to keep trusting that my God is good, and that He will work according to His purpose and plan.

In the meantime, would you say a prayer for my Hubby and me? Your support is greatly appreciated. And as always, thanks for reading. ❤

 

Photo by Anthony Tran on Unsplash