Tag: hope

A Hope that Lifts my Head

There is a hope that lifts my weary head,
A consolation strong against despair,
That when the world has plunged me in its deepest pit,
I find the Savior there!
Through present sufferings, furture fears,
He whispers courage in my ear.
For I am safe in everlasting arms,
And they will lead me home.

~ There is a Hope, by Stuart Townend and Mark Edwards

Hope. Sometimes this emotion of confident expectation can feel elusive in our lives. I know that when I am discouraged and feel like I am in a pit of despair, it’s difficult to think about hope. It’s hard to see anything beyond the darkness that I am experiencing.

My mood has been up and down recently – more so down than up. I’m on a new medication to augment the main medicine that I take for treatment-resistant depression. I thought it was helping, but now I am not so sure.

Besides feeling depressed and somewhat hopeless, I’ve been feeling so tired. Just weary. This isn’t new, unfortunately. I’ve been struggling with this for years. It’s like I live my life in a sort of fog, where I can’t quite get a deep breath or a sense of being fully awake and alert.

I need to remind myself that I have so many things to be grateful for! A God who loves me unconditionally, a caring husband, a healthy and happy son, a supportive family, a church where we can grow, to name a few of them. God has also provided a home for us, food to eat, clothing to wear, transportation, and so much more. And yet when I am feeling discouraged, it’s almost like I am blinded to these positive things. I have such a hard time focusing on them!

But as much as it seems like there is not a light at the end of the tunnel, this just isn’t true. There IS hope! An eternal hope that can never be taken away. The hope of my relationship with Jesus Christ, and of all the spiritual blessings that I possess in Him. Although I often feel alone during times like these, the truth is that my Savior is right here with me. Not only is He in this pit with me, but His Spirit lives inside of me! These powerful truths are enough to help me lift my weary head, gaze upon His face, and rest confidently in His everlasting arms.

Photo by James McGill on Unsplash

Surrender

Terrified
Is the way I feel right now
Can’t catch my breath
But I have to somehow
My heart is racing
Can’t slow the beat
My face is flushed
From so much heat
My head is throbbing
From all of the thoughts
That can’t be resolved
Though answers are sought

I’m terrifed. . .

BUT GOD.

I must surrender
All of the unknowns
He has our situation
Completely under control
All our waiting and hoping
Is not lost on God
The prayers and petitions
Have been received with a nod
Whatever the outcome
The Lord knows what’s best
And in the waiting
We have His peace and His rest

I wrote this today after finally receiving a callback from the nurse at our fertility office. I had an ultrasound and bloodwork done this morning, and was waiting with bated breath to find out the results. Before I received the call, we didn’t know if we would even be able to continue with the IVF process.

Thankfully, there is still hope…but there are so many unknowns. My body is not responding to the medicines I’m taking like they had planned. So we’re taking one day at a time, and waiting on God to see what happens. ❤

Photo by Priscilla Du Preez on Unsplash

Tired but Hopeful

The past week or so has been more than a little tiring.

Things started off well. I was blessed with some donated medicine from my fertility center, which had been prescribed for me in the past but we weren’t able to afford. It’s called Gonal-f and it’s used to help a woman develop a mature egg during her cycle. I was very grateful for this, but I wasn’t really prepared for how the medicine would affect me.

I learned to give myself the first injection of the Gonal-f Friday night, as my husband had to work and couldn’t help. I watched the instructional video numerous times and was finally able to administer the shot to myself successfully. I was proud of this. 🙂 Over the weekend and into the beginning of this week I have been able to give myself the injection around the same time each evening, as instructed. I’ve been excited to see if it will help.

After a day or two of the shots I started to feel really emotional and more depressed than I normally do. It seems that these can be side effects of the medicine…so I’ve been trying my best to stay upbeat and to express my emotions in healthy ways.

I think the medicine is also making me super tired. I haven’t felt like doing much of anything recently, and small tasks leave me feeling drained. It seems that the sleepiness can be a side effect of the medicine too – but all of the side effects will be well worth it if it helps me to conceive this cycle.

This fertility process has been quite the journey so far! My husband Roy and I have learned a lot of new terminology and information. We’ve made many visits to the fertility center (most of the time I go by myself, as Roy has to work, but he comes when he can and when he needs to). We’ve learned how to administer injections. I’ve received countless ultrasounds and blood testings. And we’ve had many highs and lows.

But we’re seeking God’s guidance and embarking on this journey together. Even though the process is stressful, it’s helping us to grow closer to each other. And we’re trying our best to remain hopeful for the future.

The rest we must leave in the Lord’s hands, trusting that He is good and that He knows what is best for us. ❤

Photo by Aaron Burden on Unsplash