Tag: hope

Choosing Hope

I haven’t been feeling the greatest the past couple of days. My anxiety level is very high, and my depression makes me feel like I’m locked in a dark room where the only source of light has been snuffed out. But I know that there is hope in all of this. I choose to see hope!

I was blessed to be able to spend time with my husband’s family this past weekend, and that shone a light in the darkness. It was my sister-in-law’s birthday, and it was great to share that special time with her, eating good food and watching football.

Then my Mom and brother came up to see me today! We didn’t do anything too exciting, just went food shopping together…but we did end the visit with a trip to Dunkin’ Donuts. 🙂 I’m very grateful for the opportunity to spend time with them, and hope we can get together again soon.

I have an appointment with my psychiatrist tomorrow, so I’m praying that I can communicate to him how low I’ve been feeling…and that he will understand and know what to do. I seems like I’ve tried most every type of treatment available, and this can get discouraging…but I’ve got to keep fighting! Day by day, moment by moment, I need to choose to see hope. And choose to be grateful. ❤

 

Photo by Jasper Boer on Unsplash

Glory Through Tears

Tears –
Tears that I wish I could cry –
Fall into an empty bottle
Clasped in my Savior’s hand.
The tears fall quietly –
As if not to disturb;
But they also fall quickly –
As if each tear knew that
It must make room for the next.
Consumed with darkness
I let the teardrops fall,
And trust that my Father sees them.
He alone knows
The purpose for this darkness,
And He alone can shine His light.
So I wait, and I hope, and I trust…
Relying on Him to get through each day;
And knowing that although
My tears are filling His bottle,
My Father’s grace and love
Are filling my life
And He will display His glory
Through my tears.

“You keep track of all my sorrows. You have collected all my tears in your bottle. You have recorded each one in your book.” ~ Psalm 56:8 (NLT)

 

Photo by Cristian Newman on Unsplash

Even If You Don’t

There is a song called “Even If,” by MercyMe, that sums up what I’m feeling right now. You can listen to the song here. The chorus of the song goes like this:

I know You’re able and I know You can
Save through the fire with Your mighty hand
But even if You don’t
My hope is You alone
I know the sorrow, I know the hurt
Would all go away if You’d just say the word
But even if You don’t
My hope is You alone

I don’t know why this deep depression and overwhelming anxiety have been allowed into my life. I certainly don’t want them. I hate them. And it seems no matter how hard I fight, they’re always there waiting for me.

This weekend was supposed to an opportunity for my Hubby and me to accomplish some things around the house, as well as spend some quality time together. Well, all I wanted to do was sleep. Sleeping is my escape mechanism – when I’m sleeping, I don’t have to deal with life. I feel the cloud of depression suffocating me…so I lay down, and shut my mind off. But I know that this isn’t right.

Something else I know is that God – if it were His will – could take away these trials in a moment. And yet He doesn’t. He chooses to allow the depression and anxiety in my life. Why? I’m not certain. But I have to trust that He will bring something good out of it, as is stated in Romans 8:28 – “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.”

I must continue to fight my way out of this pit! I can’t give in to this desire to sleep all of the time. I have to keep finding things to be grateful for, and maintain a positive perspective. I need to have faith that God has a purpose in all of this! I must put my hope in Him alone.

What is it that you’re going through right now? Have you sought to put your hope in God alone, no matter how He chooses to work (or not work)?

Photo Credit: Cristian Newman