Category: Life

God’s Got Me

“It’s going to be okay. God’s got me. He’s got it all under control.”

This is the phrase I repeat to myself when I feel overwhelmed and like I want to give up. It doesn’t make my problems go away, but it helps me to get through them. And I realized today that God has been very good to me in keeping this promise.

This morning I had an ECT (ElectroConvulsive Therapy) treatment after three weeks without one. I normally go every two weeks – which doesn’t seem like a big difference, but it is with ECT. After the treatment I had three weeks ago, I felt very depressed and tired. It really made getting through each day difficult. So I was worried about my treatment today, that it would make me feel horrible again. But it didn’t.

As my Mom drove me home from the hospital this morning, she remarked that I seem a lot better after this treatment. And I do feel better. After the anesthesia wore off, I was able to wash some dishes, put away groceries, and take a shower. Normally I would just sleep all afternoon, so this is good for me! And my mood is better – I feel somewhat upbeat. This is truly a blessing, and I pray that it lasts!

All this to say: God’s got me. God’s got you. He’s not going to let us down (He never has and He never will!) Life is hard, but our Father is bigger and stronger than anything we will ever face. He showed me that today, and all I can say is that I’m grateful.

Thank You, Jesus, for always being there for us, and for walking with us through our darkest hours. And thank you for the times when the sun shines through the clouds. You are truly good!

Everyone Has a Story

If everyone has a story, what is mine?

What is it that God wants to use me for in this world? Right now, I feel somewhat useless. Although I AM a wife, a daughter, a granddaughter, a sister, and a friend – along with being a daughter-in-law and a sister-in-law, among other relationships – I still wonder…

Wonder what it is that I’m here for.

I love to read and to write. I love to help people. I love nature. I love to travel and see new places. I love animals. I love coffee and tea. I love enjoying time with my family and friends. But is that enough? How do all of these things come together to enable me to accomplish the personalized plan that is “my story”?

Right now I feel kind of stuck. I’m making my way through each day with God’s strength. I’m going to ECT (ElectroConvulsive Therapy) and to see my psychiatrist, praying that God will continue to help me overcome my depression and anxiety. I started a new work-from-home job which I am very grateful for…but again, it doesn’t feel like it’s enough.

God, am I enough for you? Am I enough for the people who are in my life? What is it that you have for me?

I know what the Bible says. Although I will never be “good enough” in and of myself, I have been washed clean of my sins by Christ’s blood – and made His precious and beloved daughter. In Him, I am enough. In Him, I am whole. In Him, I can become the unique person that He made me to be.

I am blessed to have these precious promises. But truthfully…I’m having a difficult time believing them. I don’t feel like they are true. I don’t feel like they apply to me. I’m just not feeling it.

However, I know that it doesn’t really matter how I feel. What matters is that I have faith in what God has said to be true. And I pray that I’ll be able to do that.

“For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.” ~ Ephesians 2:10

God Sees Me

“But the Lord said to Samuel, ‘Do not look at his appearance or at the height of his stature because I have rejected him; for God sees not as man sees, for man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.'” ~ 1 Samuel 16:7

I came across the above verse as I was reading an eBook tonight, and it hit me:

GOD SEES ME.

He truly sees me, for who I am and for what’s in my heart, and not for the superficial things that many people look at.

He sees the hurt that I hold inside. He sees the anxiety that rears up when I think about certain things. He sees when I feel so low that it takes great effort to complete small tasks. He sees all of this – and more.

But in light of this fact, what does He see in my heart? How clean are my thoughts? How does He feel about the motives that I possess?

Since these are the things that God is looking at, I can only imagine that it must be important for me to keep my character pleasing to Him.

I pray that I can make God smile with who I am on the inside.

Thank You, Father, for seeing through the facade that I often-times project. Thank you for not being swayed by the things that are important to man, such as what type of job I have, how much money I make, how big my house is, or how many friends I have. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. And YOU SEE ME completely…from the inside out.