Category: Mental Health

From Tears of Hurt to Tears of Joy

I hate my weaknesses. I hate my infirmities. I hate the areas in which I struggle, the areas in which I fall short, the areas in which I fail. I want to be in control. I want to be able to take care of myself. I don’t want to mess up. I want to be perfect.

It’s a constant tension. Trying to do things on my own, or letting go and relying on God. Getting upset and angry when I fall short, or trying to be thankful for and accepting of God’s grace. Does anyone else have this struggle?

I read something in 31 Days of Praise today that, truthfully, made me angry at first. I’ll share it with you:

“Thank You (God) that I can trust You to remove or change any of my weaknesses and handicaps and shortcomings the moment they are no longer needed for Your glory, and for my good, and for the good of other people…and that in the meantime, Your grace is sufficient for me, for Your strength is made perfect in my weakness.”

Now I know these points are true, but it certainly doesn’t seem like God wants to remove or change my weaknesses and handicaps and shortcomings. The anxiety and depression have been going on for over fifteen years–isn’t that long enough? And how exactly is He getting glory from these struggles of mine? How am I being benefited? And how are others being helped?

I guess it’s not for me to know these things. It’s just for me to trust. But it’s so damn difficult! I just want the struggles to go away!

On the other hand, I know that there are people who struggle with worse things than I do. I am still physically healthy for the most part. I have a husband, family, and friends who love me. I have food and clothing and a roof over my head. And I have hope. I have God. I have an eternity with Him.

I know–I have to believe–that some day I will look back from the other side of this trial, and I will see the good in it. How it has brought glory to God. How it has benefited me. And how it has helped others. Or maybe I won’t see until heaven.

But I CAN look back on other things in my past–things that I didn’t think I would get through–and be able to say with gratefulness that God carried me to the other side. That the difficulties made me stronger. And that although I may not have been able to help throngs of people, I was given opportunities to share what I had been through, if only to help someone else feel that they were not alone.

Even though tears stream down my face right now and they are tears of hurt and frustration, I’ve got to believe that some day I will be able to look back and there will be tears of joy.

Because that’s what my God says. And even if everything flies in the face of what He says is true, I must take Him at His Word. I must hold on to Him with all of my strength, and not let go. Because He hasn’t let go of me.

Photo Credit: Desktop Nexus

Longing for Acceptance

Feelings of insecurity assail me.

I compare myself to others,

And always come up short.

I want to be myself –

To be who I truly am…

But I am afraid.

Afraid that people won’t like me.

Afraid that I am different;

That I won’t fit in.

All that I have ever wanted

Was to be “normal.”

I’m told, “There is no normal.”

But this doesn’t make me feel any better,

And it doesn’t assure me that I am not some freak

Just trying to look like everyone else.

Why can’t I be myself?

Why can’t I be “different?”

Fear. Confusion. Doubt.

Lack of confidence. Loneliness. Indecision.

My brain just doesn’t work like everyone else’s.

My thoughts get a little crazy,

And my emotions can be unstable.

I feel alone and misunderstood.

I feel…judged. And I don’t like it.

I wish there were someone who understood,

Someone who cared.

Someone who would walk beside me in the darkness.

Who would hold my hand,

And tell me that everything is going to be all right.

But I’m still waiting. Longing. Hoping.

I know to Whom I need to go,

And I know that He is the missing piece to this puzzle.

But sometimes I feel as if He’s not there.

That He doesn’t see me.

That He doesn’t care.

That He has the power to deliver me, and yet He doesn’t.

Why does He leave me like this?

My thoughts are tortured, my mind is calloused.

My words pour forth, and yet I feel that they fall on deaf ears.

Is there anyone listening?

Is there anyone who cares?

Is there anyone who understands?

Is there anyone who will see me for who I truly am,

And love me just the same?

Is there anyone – anyone at all –

Who feels the same way?

I lift up my eyes to the mountains –

Where does my help come from?

My help comes from the LORD,

The Maker of heaven and earth.

Psalm 121:1-2

Image Credit: Alberto Restifo

A Daddy Writes to His Daughter

My Sweet Daughter,

I know that you’re not feeling well (Psalm 56:6). I can see that you’re hurting (Genesis 16:13). I feel your pain and I understand what you’re going through (Hebrews 4:15). 

I want to encourage you. You are loved (Jeremiah 31:3). You are precious. You are priceless. You are fearfully and wonderfully made (Psalm 139). And above all, You are mine (Isaiah 43:1).

My gracious love will be with you during the day, and my song will be with you during the night (Psalm 42:8). I hear your cries, your desperate pleas. I am listening. I will bring you up out of the pit you are in. Out of the mud and the muck that wants to pull you under. I am your Rock–and you can plant your feet firmly on Me. I will give you a song of praise that will be an encouragement to others, and that will prompt them to trust in Me, as well (Psalm 42:1-3).

You can let go of the perfectionism. Let go of the need to perform, to meet unreachable standards, to live up to everyone’s expectations. I know that you are only human, and that you make mistakes. The sin that you committed–the one you are obsessing about? I have already forgiven it. Those harsh words that you said in anger? I have already forgotten them. I am Your loving Father, and I take care of my own (Psalm 103:8 and 11-14).

Bring me the burdens that you are trying to carry. The hurts, the hangups, the worries, the fears. They are too heavy for You, and you are not meant to handle them. My shoulders are strong enough to bear them. And I want to give you something instead–joy and rest and peace and life, as You yield your will to my own and trust in Me (Matthew 11:28-30; John 10:10).

I long for Your worship, even when you don’t feel like it. I yearn for your praise, even when it hurts (Hebrews 13:15). I remain the same–unsearchable in greatness, full of mighty deeds, clothed in splendor and majesty. I am good, righteous, and gracious; full of compassion, slow to anger, and great in mercy. I open my hand and satisfy the desire of every living thing. I delight in your devotion, and I am near to you in your time of trouble. I will save you and preserve your life, as you fear and love me (Psalm 145).

My Princess, give me all of your worries, because I care about You more than you could ever know (1 Peter 5:7).

Love Your Daddy, the King of all Creation,

God Almighty

Image Credit: Unknown