Category: Trials

When I’m With You

“When I’m with You
I feel the real me finally breaking through
It’s all because of You Jesus
Anytime anywhere any heartache
I’m never too much for You to take
There’s only love
There’s only grace
When I’m with You”

~ Citizen Way

I’m so glad that I can be myself with God.

Yesterday and today were rough days for me. I struggled with a lot of anxiety, obsessive thoughts, and depression. But thank the Lord that He was there with me, walking beside me every step of the way.

I can share with Him every doubt, every worry, every fear…and know that it won’t be too much for my Father. When I come to Him with these burdens, He pours out His love and grace on me. And I can feel peace in His presence.

If you are struggling with feeling like you need to put on a facade before the Lord, just remember that He knows you and loves you just the way you are. He is aware of our hang-ups, and He will bring us victory in those areas as we rely on Him.

When we’re with Him…we have everything we need.

God’s Got Me

“It’s going to be okay. God’s got me. He’s got it all under control.”

This is the phrase I repeat to myself when I feel overwhelmed and like I want to give up. It doesn’t make my problems go away, but it helps me to get through them. And I realized today that God has been very good to me in keeping this promise.

This morning I had an ECT (ElectroConvulsive Therapy) treatment after three weeks without one. I normally go every two weeks – which doesn’t seem like a big difference, but it is with ECT. After the treatment I had three weeks ago, I felt very depressed and tired. It really made getting through each day difficult. So I was worried about my treatment today, that it would make me feel horrible again. But it didn’t.

As my Mom drove me home from the hospital this morning, she remarked that I seem a lot better after this treatment. And I do feel better. After the anesthesia wore off, I was able to wash some dishes, put away groceries, and take a shower. Normally I would just sleep all afternoon, so this is good for me! And my mood is better – I feel somewhat upbeat. This is truly a blessing, and I pray that it lasts!

All this to say: God’s got me. God’s got you. He’s not going to let us down (He never has and He never will!) Life is hard, but our Father is bigger and stronger than anything we will ever face. He showed me that today, and all I can say is that I’m grateful.

Thank You, Jesus, for always being there for us, and for walking with us through our darkest hours. And thank you for the times when the sun shines through the clouds. You are truly good!

Out of the Pit

The last several months have been overwhelming.

I’ve been struggling a lot with depression, and I got to the point where I knew the medicines and therapy were not doing enough to help, and that I needed to try something different.

So I decided to embark on a new journey: ECT (Electroconvulsive Therapy). It’s been scary, and encouraging, and frustrating, and confusing, and promising…all at the same time.

I’ve been undergoing the ECT procedure twice a week for around twelve weeks now. Unfortunately, it has affected my memory. But it does seem to have given me that extra “boost” I needed to climb out of the dark pit of depression; and for this I am grateful.

If you are struggling with depression, you are not alone. Take comfort in the fact that there are others who are walking this road with you – most importantly, Jesus Christ. He understands what we are going through, and He is right there with us to give us the strength and encouragement to take the next small step along the path that He has for us.

Photo by: James McGill