Category: Trials

Letting Go

I haven’t posted in quite some time. During this lapse, I celebrated several birthdays including my own, said goodbye (for now) to a beautiful person and dear friend, lost a much-loved pet, helped to plan a Bridal Shower and Bachelorette Party for my best friend, shared the holidays with my family, began attending a behavioral health program, played in a hand-bell performance at my church, and watched with joy as my best friend said “I do,” to name a few.

There have definitely been some ups and downs.

But I feel like that is what God is trying to teach me. No matter what happens in my life – whether it be good or bad – He is there, and He is loving, and He is sovereign. And He is using my circumstances to mold and shape me so that I can fulfill His plans for my life.

Today as I was driving home from a difficult psychiatrist appointment, the Lord spoke to me through several songs: “Just Be Held,” by Casting Crowns, “Come As You Are,” by Crowder, and “Help Me Find It,” by Sidewalk Prophets. I felt like God was saying to me:

“Crystal, you’ve got to let go. Stop trying to control everything. Stop trying to be perfect. Stop trying to please everyone. Come to me just the way you are – weaknesses, sins, brokenness and all. Look to Me. Rely on Me. Trust Me. I am your Father, and I love you. Life will not be easy, but I will guide you as you move forward in faith.”

And that’s what I want to do.

I will most likely stumble and fall…but I trust that I will keep getting back up by God’s grace. And keep moving forward.

I want to let go – moment by moment…and fall into the arms of the God who will never let go of me.

 

 

The featured picture is a shot that I took with my phone when I arrived home from my Dr.’s appointment today. In the photo it looks like the sun, but it’s actually a tiny slice of a rainbow (there were numerous colors). This was another reminder that God sees me, sees where I am and what I’m struggling with. And that with Him, there is hope.

This Desert Holds a Song

When you’re in a desert, you most likely don’t think about singing.

You think about how hot it is. You think about how thirsty you are. You think about how amazing a sip of water would taste. You wonder why you are where you are and how you got there. You think about GETTING OUT of the desert.

Singing just isn’t the first thing that comes to mind.

The past several months have been difficult for me. I’ve had up’s and down’s, but overall it’s felt like a dry, barren desert.

I lost someone that I love. I feel “stuck” and without clear direction. Each day is a battle with anxiety and discouragement. I take a few steps forward, only to falter and fall on my face.

But God has been faithful. Although I continue to fall, He lifts me up and gives me the strength to keep going.

And I pray that in the midst of it I will find a song.

I want to focus on the good things! The many blessings that God has given me. The way He has provided, opened doors, and answered prayers. And most of all, I want to focus on who He is and the relationship that I am able to enjoy with Him.

There is a song…it’s entitled “Soar,” by Meredith Andrews. Each time I hear it, God reaches out to me and reminds me that He sees where I am and what I’m going through. He will clear my path and make a way. He will break the strongholds in my life. He will keep every single one of His promises. And – most importantly – He is with me through everything I face.

If you have a moment, I would encourage you to listen to the words of this song. Be reminded that God is with You and that nothing you encounter is too difficult for Him.

And in the midst of our deserts, let us choose to sing. ❤

Photo Credit: http://pixabay.com

God is Faithful

Today was a special day, and in so many ways.

I had the opportunity to be a part of a Ladies’ Retreat with a wonderful group of women from my Mom’s church. There were games, a devotional, a time for singing, a tea party that I helped to lead, and – of course – a lot of delicious food.

But most importantly, there was fellowship.

Each of the ladies involved in the Retreat contributed their special gifts to help make it the refreshing and memorable event that it was. My Mom and several other ladies helped with the decorations and the food (hopefully I will have pictures soon). The pastor’s wife led the games, singing, and devotional. I was blessed to be able to conduct the tea party. And there was another lovely lady who brought beautiful jars of a natural body scrub that she handmade.

It truly was a time of renewal.

I was convicted deeply by the devotional that the Pastor’s wife gave. It really opened my eyes to see areas in my life that I need to surrender to God – and I am grateful for this. I had tears running down my face; happy tears, because I knew that the Lord was working in my heart, and He was helping me to change and to grow.

The conversation around the tables was encouraging. The ladies had been praying for me for months leading up to the party. They knew that I struggled with anxiety and that conducting a tea party was difficult for me. So they had been lifting me up in prayer, and continued to do so as the event unfolded. Come to find, I would really need it.

I was attacked by the enemy fiercely during this party. I fought lies and doubts and fears in my mind that threatened to make me give up. I really felt like there was a battle going on inside of my head.

But God was faithful. I talked to the Pastor’s wife, and she encouraged me – and I made it through the party. All of the ladies said that they had a nice time, and for this I am grateful.

As I try to condense the things that I learned today, it seems to come back to this: God has a purpose and a plan for my life. The doubts and fears come in like a flood seeking to destroy; but He is stronger. What He has called me to do, He will enable me to accomplish. And I need to continue to surrender myself to His leading, no matter how difficult it becomes.

I pray that if you are reading this and are struggling in some area of life, you will be encouraged to know that God will carry you through those difficulties. Foes may threaten from without and within – but they are not stronger than the King of Kings and the Lord of Lords. He WILL have His way; and we can rest securely in His loving hands. ❤

Photo Credit: Aaron Burden

Edited By: Crystal Knauss