Living With Doubt…and the Words I Need to Hear

I’ve struggled with doubt for as long as I can remember.

At first I struggled with doubt about my salvation/my relationship with God. I prayed over and over again to ask Jesus to come into my life, but then I questioned if I had prayed “correctly.” Ironically, after this uncertainty, I would worry that I had relied on “works” to save me instead of God (by trying to pray in a “perfect” manner). Needless to say, there were many times when these thoughts induced a frenzy of anxiety and fear – often coupled with headaches and tears.

Thankfully, I don’t struggle with this particular doubt any longer, as I have realized that God isn’t like that. He doesn’t require perfection from me. He wants me to trust Him and rely on Him.

Did that make any sense? Have you ever had thoughts similar to this? (It’s okay to think “no”) 😉

I know that a lot of it is my Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD). The OCD is what ignites the insatiable desire to perform tasks “perfectly” and to think “correctly.” But I also know that this isn’t what is required of me. I just need a way to switch over from my OCD thoughts to healthy thoughts.

What thoughts does God want me to think on when I’m feeling doubtful and perfectionistic? What are the words that I need to hear and believe?

  1. I am loved (John 3:16).
  2. I am strong in God’s strength (2 Corinthians 12:9-10).
  3. I am forgiven (1 John 1:9).
  4. I am fearfully and wonderfully made (Psalm 139:14).
  5. I am unique (Isaiah 64:8).
  6. I am skilled (1 Peter 4:10).
  7. I have the ability to accomplish everything God has called me to do. (Philippians 4:13).
  8. I am enough (1 Corinthians 3:16).

These are just a few affirmations that I want to remember when I’m struggling with doubt. And I still do struggle with it. I doubt my abilities, I doubt my worth, I doubt the quality of tasks that I complete – to name a few.

But I have to remind myself of the truth – let it wash over my mind. God is speaking the words I long to hear…I just need to listen. ❤

P.S. Thank you for reading…I know that my struggles are a little strange, but I wanted to be open and honest about them in the hopes that I can be of help to someone else.

Thankful Thursday

I’ve been trying to change my perspective and to acquire an attitude that is more grateful. And guess what? God is helping me!

My goal is to record at least three specific things from my day that I am thankful for. Some days may be harder than others, but I know that there are at least three things that I can find to praise God for. Truthfully, even if they’re bad things that happen or difficult situations that I’m struggling with, I should still be able to find something good in them.

So today is Thursday and both “Thankful” and “Thursday” begin with a “Th,” so I just had to pick today to start this journey. 😀 I think what I’m going to try to do is write a post each Thursday filled with all the things I’m grateful for from the previous week. We’ll see how it goes!

Three things from today that I’m thankful for:

  1. God helped me with my first day of scoring essays at my work-from-home job.
  2. I got to take a nice walk in my neighborhood with our dog, Daisy. Also, during the walk I was able to visit with a couple who lives close to us.
  3. I was able to visit my Hubby on his break at work tonight, and we had gift cards to get Starbucks drinks….Yum!

Thanks for reading, and I hope to continue this tradition of Thankful Thursday. Maybe you could even start a similar tradition, yourself! The more grateful we are, the more positive I believe we’ll be. ❤

Life to the Fullest

Recently we recognized the anniversary of a horrible car accident that I was in.

I was driving to my parents’ house when I fell asleep for a split second and crashed into a mailbox in front of a person’s home and then into a tree beyond that. My car caught on fire, and I tried to get out of the car, but I couldn’t. The door was stuck. The person inside the house there rushed out and was able to open the door and pull me out to safety.

Amazingly, although my car was completely destroyed, I came out of that accident in one piece. God had rescued me.

The thing is, at that time I did not want to be rescued. I was struggling with a deep depression and with suicidal thoughts, and I wished that the Lord had taken me in the crash.

That was a year ago.

At this point in time, I’d like to believe that God has more than begun to pull me up out of my pit of despair. I’m relying on Him to give me a more positive perspective, I’m seeking to be grateful in the midst of hardship, and I’m feeling more motivated in my daily activities. He’s helped me take baby steps!

So as I look back and remember this time last year, I do so with a thankful heart. The Lord gave me a second chance at life – and I want to live it to the fullest (John 10:10). ❤

P.S. Here is a picture of the car after my accident.

car-crash

*Featured image by: Tattyan