Tag: anxiety

Overcoming my Writing Fears

Enjoying a delicious latte at a cute coffee shop in Harrisburg

I was convicted the other day about how unfaithful I have been with using the gifts and abilities that God has given me.

I love to write, but I procrastinate and make excuses – because I’m afraid.

Afraid that no one will like what I write. Afraid that my writing won’t be any good. Afraid that it won’t be helpful to anyone – that it just won’t “click” with people. Afraid that it won’t be the “perfect” post that I’m so driven to create.

I’m also afraid of what other people will think and say about my writing. Will they laugh at me? Will they think I’m a joke? Will they be upset or offended that I’m trying to share my struggles with mental health? With motherhood? With my faith?

God, forgive me for fearing man above you! Forgive me for not being a faithful steward of the abilities that You’ve given me – for wasting Your gifts instead of using them for Your glory. Forgive me for doubting Your calling, for second-guessing myself, for putting off writing (and other tasks) because I’m too scared, for thinking that this gift of writing isn’t “as good as” others’ gifts – even though I believe my gift is from you.

Help me, Father! Help me to have the energy and motivation to write. To share freely with others the lessons that You are teaching me. To recount the little victories that You give me as I trust in You and obey You each day.

Several weeks ago I found an old Christmas card from several of our friends who live far away. It was an encouragement to read it again! And the most encouraging (and motivating) part was the note from one of these friends sharing that they enjoyed my blog posts, and that they had really connected with them. That my writing helped them not to feel so alone. That they felt heard and understood.

Isn’t this a good enough reason to continue writing?

Motivate me each day, Lord, to offer this gift to you, and to allow You to use it (and me) as You see fit. I love you, Daddy!

Your Beloved Daughter,

Crystal

Faithful Father

Daddy and his little boy.

I’m frickin’ angry.

I’m so incredibly tired.

I’m at a complete loss for what to think and how to respond to my continued inability to sleep and to the way it’s making me feel right now.

I want to just keep eating and eating this “comfort food.” Why not? It makes me feel “good” – or at least “okay” – for a few rotten moments…and then it bites me in the butt.

I need You, Daddy. I need You, my “Abba,” my gracious Father…I need You desperately. I know You’re here with me, but I’m having a hard time “feeling” Your presence. I wish You could physically embrace me so that I could “experience” the comfort of your touch…but I can only “sense” Your strong (yet gentle) “arms” around me now with “tingling skin” of faith.

Where are You, God?

Are you in this fiery trial with me, or have You left me all alone?

I know the answer. I know the truth…

I am not alone. You are right here with me, in this fire. Protecting me from the effects of the billowing flames.

You’ve been here before. You’ve felt what I’m feeling. You understand completely.

I am known and loved.

I am cherished and adored.

I have worth.

I have value.

I am fashioned in Your image, and you have declared Your creation of me as “very good.”

I am Your “masterpiece,” …Your “poem”!

You are writing my “story” – the story of my life.

You, the Creator and Sustainer of the Universe, care about me…and You care about everything that concerns me!

You are incredibly and delightfully and utterly GOOD –

All of the time. Now and forevermore…

My Faithful Father. 💜

A New Song

I must admit, today didn’t start off well. I woke up feeling tired, discouraged, and more than a little hopeless.

It wasnt like something really negative had occurred, or like I had nothing to be grateful for – because that was far from the truth. It was just that my hormones and emotions were pulling me into a pit of depression and anxiety.

That all-too-familiar and dreaded pit of darkness.

I wanted to feel sorry for myself and wallow in my feelings of dejection. It would be so easy! And for a little while, I DID wallow. But God quickly pulled me closer to Himself and snapped me back to reality through a suggestion from my husband:

“Why don’t you put on some uplifting music?” he asked.

I didn’t want to – I just didnt feel like it! The pit I occupied was deep and dark, and it seemed impossible to try to climb out. Also, if I was honest, the pit felt somewhat comfortable in its familiarity.

But as I turned on some Christian music and sat down with Micah, our miracle child, the LORD faithfully began to pull me up out the depths with truths from His Word.

He loves me. He sent His Son, Jesus, to die for my sins and to provide a way for me to have a relationship with Him. He is good, and wants what is best for me. I can trust Him. He is in control – and I don’t have to try to be!

Maybe you can understand my feelings of worry and despair. Maybe you’re in a dark pit of your own, and can’t seem to climb out. Look to God for help. Wait expectantly for His provision. He is faithful, and will not fail you. As you rely on His grace and strength, He will lift you out of the pit and provide a song in your heart – a new song of praise that will be a testimony to those around you. 💛

“I waited patiently for the LORD; He turned to me and heard my cry. He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire; He set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand. He put a new song in my mouth, a hymn of praise to our God. Many will see and fear and put their trust in the LORD.” ~ Psalm 40:1-3