Faithful Father

Daddy and his little boy.

I’m frickin’ angry.

I’m so incredibly tired.

I’m at a complete loss for what to think and how to respond to my continued inability to sleep and to the way it’s making me feel right now.

I want to just keep eating and eating this “comfort food.” Why not? It makes me feel “good” – or at least “okay” – for a few rotten moments…and then it bites me in the butt.

I need You, Daddy. I need You, my “Abba,” my gracious Father…I need You desperately. I know You’re here with me, but I’m having a hard time “feeling” Your presence. I wish You could physically embrace me so that I could “experience” the comfort of your touch…but I can only “sense” Your strong (yet gentle) “arms” around me now with “tingling skin” of faith.

Where are You, God?

Are you in this fiery trial with me, or have You left me all alone?

I know the answer. I know the truth…

I am not alone. You are right here with me, in this fire. Protecting me from the effects of the billowing flames.

You’ve been here before. You’ve felt what I’m feeling. You understand completely.

I am known and loved.

I am cherished and adored.

I have worth.

I have value.

I am fashioned in Your image, and you have declared Your creation of me as “very good.”

I am Your “masterpiece,” …Your “poem”!

You are writing my “story” – the story of my life.

You, the Creator and Sustainer of the Universe, care about me…and You care about everything that concerns me!

You are incredibly and delightfully and utterly GOOD –

All of the time. Now and forevermore…

My Faithful Father. 💜

A New Song

I must admit, today didn’t start off well. I woke up feeling tired, discouraged, and more than a little hopeless.

It wasnt like something really negative had occurred, or like I had nothing to be grateful for – because that was far from the truth. It was just that my hormones and emotions were pulling me into a pit of depression and anxiety.

That all-too-familiar and dreaded pit of darkness.

I wanted to feel sorry for myself and wallow in my feelings of dejection. It would be so easy! And for a little while, I DID wallow. But God quickly pulled me closer to Himself and snapped me back to reality through a suggestion from my husband:

“Why don’t you put on some uplifting music?” he asked.

I didn’t want to – I just didnt feel like it! The pit I occupied was deep and dark, and it seemed impossible to try to climb out. Also, if I was honest, the pit felt somewhat comfortable in its familiarity.

But as I turned on some Christian music and sat down with Micah, our miracle child, the LORD faithfully began to pull me up out the depths with truths from His Word.

He loves me. He sent His Son, Jesus, to die for my sins and to provide a way for me to have a relationship with Him. He is good, and wants what is best for me. I can trust Him. He is in control – and I don’t have to try to be!

Maybe you can understand my feelings of worry and despair. Maybe you’re in a dark pit of your own, and can’t seem to climb out. Look to God for help. Wait expectantly for His provision. He is faithful, and will not fail you. As you rely on His grace and strength, He will lift you out of the pit and provide a song in your heart – a new song of praise that will be a testimony to those around you. 💛

“I waited patiently for the LORD; He turned to me and heard my cry. He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire; He set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand. He put a new song in my mouth, a hymn of praise to our God. Many will see and fear and put their trust in the LORD.” ~ Psalm 40:1-3

A New Journey

It’s been quite a while since I’ve written.

It’s not that things haven’t been going on – on the contrary. I’m actually not quite sure why I haven’t sat down to write a post in so long. I think it just didn’t feel like the right time.

But I want to apologize for not keeping you up-to-date. I hope you can forgive me!

Again, I want to say thank you to all of those who have been supporting my husband, Roy, and me through our struggle with infertility. The thoughts, prayers, and kind words have been so encouraging! As I hope you know from my post on Facebook in February, the Lord enabled me to conceive through IVF (In Vitro Fertilization) this past year. Our baby boy is due August 15th of 2020!

Pregnancy has been interesting so far. It’s joyful, scary, amazing, and overwhelming! I’ve struggled with tiredness, an extreme lack of energy, nausea, lack of appetite, constipation, smells that make me sick, and frequent UTI’s, among other things. But it’s all a part of the journey – a beautiful new journey that God has prepared for us…and we are so excited and grateful!

My depression, anxiety, and OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder) have continued throughout my pregnancy, and I’m still struggling a lot with insomnia. It’s been tricky to try to handle these issues while remaining on as little medicine as possible for the baby’s sake – but the Lord has been faithful. He has provided me with a new psychiatrist who has experience working with pregnant women, as well as an OB who is extremely wise and kind. Along with support from my husband, family, and friends, I have been getting through. And I’ve been learning to lean on God all the more.

What has been going on in your lives? What has the Lord been teaching you recently? I’d love to hear all about it in the comments. And as always, thanks for reading! ❤

Photo by Boris Smokrovic on Unsplash