Category: Growth

From Tears of Hurt to Tears of Joy

I hate my weaknesses. I hate my infirmities. I hate the areas in which I struggle, the areas in which I fall short, the areas in which I fail. I want to be in control. I want to be able to take care of myself. I don’t want to mess up. I want to be perfect.

It’s a constant tension. Trying to do things on my own, or letting go and relying on God. Getting upset and angry when I fall short, or trying to be thankful for and accepting of God’s grace. Does anyone else have this struggle?

I read something in 31 Days of Praise today that, truthfully, made me angry at first. I’ll share it with you:

“Thank You (God) that I can trust You to remove or change any of my weaknesses and handicaps and shortcomings the moment they are no longer needed for Your glory, and for my good, and for the good of other people…and that in the meantime, Your grace is sufficient for me, for Your strength is made perfect in my weakness.”

Now I know these points are true, but it certainly doesn’t seem like God wants to remove or change my weaknesses and handicaps and shortcomings. The anxiety and depression have been going on for over fifteen years–isn’t that long enough? And how exactly is He getting glory from these struggles of mine? How am I being benefited? And how are others being helped?

I guess it’s not for me to know these things. It’s just for me to trust. But it’s so damn difficult! I just want the struggles to go away!

On the other hand, I know that there are people who struggle with worse things than I do. I am still physically healthy for the most part. I have a husband, family, and friends who love me. I have food and clothing and a roof over my head. And I have hope. I have God. I have an eternity with Him.

I know–I have to believe–that some day I will look back from the other side of this trial, and I will see the good in it. How it has brought glory to God. How it has benefited me. And how it has helped others. Or maybe I won’t see until heaven.

But I CAN look back on other things in my past–things that I didn’t think I would get through–and be able to say with gratefulness that God carried me to the other side. That the difficulties made me stronger. And that although I may not have been able to help throngs of people, I was given opportunities to share what I had been through, if only to help someone else feel that they were not alone.

Even though tears stream down my face right now and they are tears of hurt and frustration, I’ve got to believe that some day I will be able to look back and there will be tears of joy.

Because that’s what my God says. And even if everything flies in the face of what He says is true, I must take Him at His Word. I must hold on to Him with all of my strength, and not let go. Because He hasn’t let go of me.

Photo Credit: Desktop Nexus

Baby Steps: Healthy Habits for the New Year!

Bad habits are difficult to break. And new, healthy habits are hard to make! But I want to begin this New Year with a few goals–baby steps–that will help me live more healthfully in 2015.

I’ve tried dieting, and it didn’t work for me. I’ve thought about those weight-loss pills, but something always holds me back. So instead of moving in either of those directions, I’d like to try something new. One goal for each month of the year. One idea to focus on, to work at, to hopefully incorporate into my life, and that will hopefully continue well beyond the month that I begin to practice it.

I would like to share my goals with you, and to see what you think! Also, to get any advice and feedback that you may have, along with your own goals for the upcoming year. 🙂

  1. Drink more water – It’s so easy to fall into the trap of chugging down soda or sipping on a Starbucks latte; but they are so full of sugar, and the calories certainly don’t help in the area of weight loss.
  2. Exercise daily (if only for 20 minutest!) – I have been blessed in this area, because my dog has been working me up to two 20 minute walks a day. She gets the exercise and the enjoyment of sniffing around the neighborhood, and I get fresh air and exercise as well! It’s a win-win situation!
  3. Cook more and eat out less – Cooking is not easy, and I have SO much to learn. The shopping, the preparing, the cleaning up afterwards. But I am finding that it can be fun; and it is certainly more healthy (and easier on the wallet) than eating out.
  4. Focus on the positives! – I am naturally a cup-half-empty type of person. But I want to work on this! I believe that if I can become more positive, it will help a lot with my perspective and outlook on life, and lead to hope instead of despair.
  5. Don’t sweat the small stuff – Let it go. That needs to be my motto. Just reminding myself that life is not perfect and that things will not happen exactly as I would like them to. But it’s okay! I CAN move forward and be okay with how events unfold. And I certainly can let the little things–the nagging yet unimportant things–slide through my fingers and out of my life.
  6. Follow a schedule to keep our house clean – This is something that I really struggle with. One example is that I often let the laundry pile up instead of doing a load each day. I want to adopt a schedule that will help me keep on top of this issue, as well as the other areas of keeping a house clean.
  7. Be more forgiving and gracious – I appreciate it when people treat me in this manner, so why should I not treat people this same way in return? Instead of getting upset every time someone does something that bothers or harms or hurts me, I want to immerse myself in God’s grace, and hopefully let it overflow to other people.
  8. Spend some time with the Lord in the morning and in the evening – This really helps to begin and end my day on a good note. It’s easy to brush this task off and rush into the day, but I need to make it an important part of my routine.
  9. Pray instead of worry! – I am a self-proclaimed worry-wort; and it gets me nowhere! But prayer does amazing things, so I want to replace my worry with persistent prayer.
  10. Take time to do at least one thing that makes me happy daily – It doesn’t have to be big or take up a lot of time, but making it a point to do something that I enjoy each day should help keep my motivation up.
  11. Set aside time weekly for a date night with the hubby ❤ – Whether it’s in our home or out doesn’t really matter. But we need to make time to relax for at least a little while and to enjoy each other’s company.
  12. Learn to be content with purchasing the things that we need, instead of all the things that we want – It’s so easy to get caught up in the “I wants.” Would it be nice to have certain items? Sure! But do we need them to be happy? No. I want to seek God’s provision for our needs and learn to be content with–and grateful for–the things that we have.

Photo Credit: pixzard.com / Edited By: Me 🙂

Don’t Be Afraid to Crawl

“Like a new born baby
Don’t be afraid to crawl…”

As I drove home tonight after meeting with my family and a good friend, I heard a song that has always been special to me. The lyrics speak to me, in their honest simplicity–but it was a single line of those lyrics that jumped out at me this time. “Like a new born baby, don’t be afraid to crawl.”

I have been wanting to try some craft projects, with the possibility of even making some items to sell. But I thought I’d start by creating a set of coasters for a special couple for Christmas. Well, Christmas has come and gone, and I had not even begun making the coasters–until tonight. That line of text in the song and some encouragement from my friend nudged me to move forward.

So I got out my supplies and tried my best to make a gift that this special couple would like. It will be a set of four coasters with a Christmas theme. I used stamp and ink along with permanent markers to create images on travertine tiles. Now I must bake the tiles to set the ink, and add felt backings so that the coasters will not damage furniture. Travertine tile is an absorbent material, so it should be very practical for holding drinks.

Here are what the tiles look like so far:

Merry-Christmas-Tony-and-Susan-coasters-2014

The point of this post is to share my joy in the fact that I was able to begin a project that seemed overwhelming for quite some time. I’m grateful for the gentle–and yet clear–nudging, which gave me the motivation to start “crawling.” 🙂 Who knows, maybe my crawl will progress into steps, and even into a walk? We shall see! God is good, and I praise Him for what He enabled me to accomplish.

Lyrics from Untitled Hymn, by Chris Rice

Photo Credit for image of baby crawling: Tatjana Kaufmann/Moment/Getty Images